The cheek of some people - FML

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 88

Good kid

Late term

Great parenting, dude

By unifail - 22/01/2009 10:48 - Canada

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 679

You deserved it 4 783

By Slash - 16/06/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 625

You deserved it 48 818

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 082

You deserved it 4 265

Little bundles of joy

By SD. - 15/05/2021 16:06 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 132

By kat101 - 04/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 35 999

By solomantis - 30/07/2009 05:46 - Norway

Spicy

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 891

You deserved it 50 233

By pukishgirl - 18/11/2010 12:12 - India

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 290

You deserved it 2 875

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:05 - United States - Union City

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 520

You deserved it 3 731

By miji - 30/10/2018 19:42

Today, for the fifth time in a row, my parents tried to discuss my pooping habits with me at the dinner table. This time, we had guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 828

You deserved it 179

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 16:58

Today, I'm living with my now ex-girlfriend of 9 years in the house we bought together. What's worse than that is the fact that 2 weeks before she told me she was unhappy and ended it, I had bought an engagement ring. I didn't get the chance to ask, and had to return the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 184

By dude - 24/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 075

You deserved it 34 210

By wtfseriously - 09/05/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 439

You deserved it 78 391

By 1D-107 - 31/07/2012 17:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 501

You deserved it 2 463

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 698

You deserved it 3 975

Vyagrha

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 13:59

Today, I finally finished a drawing of a tiger. The only thing left to do is write the word "Tiger" in Sanskrit and glitter on the portrait, because I thought it would look cool. Only to find out, the Sanskrit word for tiger is "Viagra." No, I'm not kidding. This portrait took me numerous tries and several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 78 039

By Alyssa Charlotte - 29/07/2011 02:25 - Mexico

Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 219

You deserved it 3 027

By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 293

You deserved it 4 645

Teenagers, amirite?

By JustShootMe - 02/11/2020 07:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 100

By VerbalDiarrhea - 08/01/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 933

You deserved it 12 015

By fetch boy.. - 05/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 455

You deserved it 18 271

By iamlauraheremecry - 27/01/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my power went out due to a huge snow storm. I was in desperate need of candles and flashlights. I had to walk to the store since the roads were closed. I walked 4 miles in the blizzard. When I got home, the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 909

You deserved it 8 447

By j0j0 - 15/01/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 666

You deserved it 3 815

By chassezlenaturel - 24/03/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 931

You deserved it 5 557

Rock and a hard place

By Mo. - 03/10/2020 01:13 - United States

Today, I found out my postpartum pain is indeed because of a cyst. No, my doctors can’t drain it and relive the pain because of scar tissue. And yes, it hurts around my lady bits and in my butthole, because the cyst wraps around everything. It’s either wait it out in extreme pain or surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 146

By bruised - 11/04/2016 07:26 - United States - Novi

Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 723

You deserved it 3 016

Bass, how low can you go?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 02:02

Today, I tried to study for my upcoming engineering exam. The class I’m in is notorious for being incredibly difficult and is oftentimes the reason for people dropping out of the major. Too bad the dudes in the apartment next to me have a subwoofer and keep playing music that has way too much bass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 86

By scardeycat13 - 08/01/2012 05:38 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 191

You deserved it 10 703

By Michael tee - 11/08/2011 20:11 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 315

You deserved it 5 008

By moneymoneymoney - 08/10/2013 14:34 - United States - Tampa

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 222

You deserved it 7 059

By Duchess - 20/01/2017 12:00

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 415

You deserved it 694

Bumpy ride

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 04:01

Today, I have a skin disease that causes my arms and legs to have small, but noticeable, red bumps on them. Trying to stay confident, I put on a swimsuit and went to the pool, only to be bumped into by a cute guy, who then asked why my arms were so "bumpy and disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 48

By Author - 24/02/2014 22:22 - United States - Naples

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 287

You deserved it 6 797

By runfattyrun - 25/12/2016 07:19 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 355

You deserved it 1 188

By BathroomMuch - 25/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 7 708

Family man

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Minden

Today, my fiancé told me that his work is more important than our family. We have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 147

By GamerGirl - 30/01/2010 15:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 004

You deserved it 8 677

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 3 443

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 45 540

Superficial

By skinnybitch - 08/09/2019 14:00

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 197

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Friday 16 October 2020 20:46

I think the only proper response is to give her the Joker Laugh until she hangs up.

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Sunday 18 October 2020 15:12

The key part of that is "ex-husband". Barring a court order for you to pay his bail, you have zero responsibility. Like most, I would have laughed or told her what she could eat.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 16 October 2020 20:46

I think the only proper response is to give her the Joker Laugh until she hangs up.

Send a private message

Sunday 18 October 2020 14:18

Tell her she's your bitch and she has to toss your salad.

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Sunday 18 October 2020 15:00

...say no. Problem solved!

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Sunday 18 October 2020 15:12

The key part of that is "ex-husband". Barring a court order for you to pay his bail, you have zero responsibility. Like most, I would have laughed or told her what she could eat.

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Sunday 18 October 2020 15:34

honestly I would just laugh hysterically and hang up, then block her number lol

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Sunday 18 October 2020 15:43

I hope you didn’t give it to her?

princess_stabitty 19

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Sunday 18 October 2020 15:56

... and that is the moment when you simply tel her "no". Well, after the five minutes you would spend laughing at her.

mariepastyglue 30

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Sunday 18 October 2020 16:49

Audacity really must be on sale this year!

alex_jaguara 31

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Sunday 18 October 2020 21:55

The lion, the witch and the audacity of this bitch.

831curmudgeon 7

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Sunday 18 October 2020 16:50

Not really a FML unless you were foolish enough to give them the money to bail his sorry ass out.

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Sunday 18 October 2020 17:02

Are you still laughing?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283