Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this... - FML

By Scared - 23/8/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9526

You deserved it

32572

Tweet

Share

Race against the clock

This is fine

Recycling helps

By Anonymous - 10/12/2015 08:19 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22828

You deserved it

1668

Tweet

Share

By NoLife - 15/5/2011 18:49 - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15035

You deserved it

34626

Tweet

Share

By Oops - 25/12/2012 11:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17692

You deserved it

30546

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/6/2016 16:21 - India

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10853

You deserved it

1437

Tweet

Share

By tima - 27/6/2018 01:30

* backs away slowly *

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4796

You deserved it

844

Tweet

Share

By horriblejoke - 10/10/2012 15:05 - Australia - Perth

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38561

You deserved it

5466

Tweet

Share

By - 8/3/2019 12:00

Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1943

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By pretty princess - 1/2/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24728

You deserved it

4911

Tweet

Share

By the other guy? - 29/3/2014 21:57 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46491

You deserved it

19678

Tweet

Share

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1368

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By Poopsie - 13/8/2018 06:00

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2938

You deserved it

376

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49055

You deserved it

8239

Tweet

Share

By Windstar - 7/4/2009 07:32 - Canada

Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML

I agree, your life sucks

79682

You deserved it

7926

Tweet

Share

By soccerbooty - 7/6/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38773

You deserved it

8094

Tweet

Share

By SeaBind - 16/11/2014 00:41 - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31716

You deserved it

3233

Tweet

Share

By "Bianka05" - 19/7/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3893

You deserved it

922

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 17:48 - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45951

You deserved it

5200

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/8/2017 05:00

Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4014

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36845

You deserved it

5713

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2018 19:00

Today, I told my parents that I am a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That leads on to part two of my confessions... FML

I agree, your life sucks

3943

You deserved it

659

Tweet

Share

By me - 14/1/2012 01:38 - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24123

You deserved it

56896

Tweet

Share

By hawaiiansokkrboi - 19/4/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48226

You deserved it

10669

Tweet

Share

By soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass - 23/1/2016 07:49 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20918

You deserved it

8599

Tweet

Share

By JavitheWrestler - 13/2/2016 23:06 - United States - Stockton

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8985

You deserved it

29236

Tweet

Share

By Confusedblonde - 30/4/2015 03:31 - United States - Canton

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35738

You deserved it

6403

Tweet

Share

By Sadmom - 17/9/2009 23:58 - United States

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42522

You deserved it

5310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2014 15:55 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39228

You deserved it

3801

Tweet

Share

By loveyadad - 16/6/2013 15:46 - United States - Watertown

Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46884

You deserved it

3798

Tweet

Share

By losingit - 19/10/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks

84004

You deserved it

3789

Tweet

Share

By weak - 23/2/2014 14:36 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37297

You deserved it

22495

Tweet

Share

By neednewdeoderant - 14/12/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47435

You deserved it

3532

Tweet

Share

By unaware - 19/9/2012 04:14 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8985

You deserved it

35163

Tweet

Share

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29774

You deserved it

4545

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31460

You deserved it

6152

Tweet

Share

By DramaticSigh - 15/8/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10569

You deserved it

35592

Tweet

Share

By booksandshadows - 4/3/2014 09:06 - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44597

You deserved it

12587

Tweet

Share

By Anya - 17/12/2016 16:09 - Japan - Fukuoka

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "that's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8584

You deserved it

1766

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/1/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to anti-depressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35065

You deserved it

3659

Tweet

Share

By AL - 21/9/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

I agree, your life sucks

47728

You deserved it

2877

Tweet

Share

By anon - 20/6/2014 05:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45243

You deserved it

24648

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By zoesterhp | 0

#509360 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:01

not fml worthy

By rabbit_fml | 0

#509374 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:28

Mods, please choose quality over quantity.

COMMENTS

By zoesterhp | 0

#509360 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:01

not fml worthy

Reply

americayay | 0

#509730 - Sunday 23 August 2009 22:29

Agreed. Scared by a Spongebob balloon. Is that really the story? Is there something I'm missing?

Reply

lax2319 | 0

#510347 - Monday 24 August 2009 3:26

how the hell did this make it past moderation?

Reply

Cupcakeshizz | 0

#1183339 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:15

I lol'ed at this. it is more of a lol than a fml though !

Reply

SayPeanuts | 29

#3004931 - Sunday 31 July 2011 1:28

Today, I got temporarily frightened by an inanimate object in the dark. I then turned on the lights and everything was okay again. FML

Reply

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3576989 - Saturday 12 November 2011 18:27

haha this happens to me all the freaking time so why is this an FML?

By puddin989 | 0

#509371 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:26

yeah wow fuck your life man...you were scared by a balloon...who gives a shit

By rabbit_fml | 0

#509374 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:28

Mods, please choose quality over quantity.

By athiest_pope | 0

#509383 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:18

ur life is sooooo fucked
HA

By shadow_skater_fml | 0

#509386 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:22

that happened to me once...

Reply

sobe23 | 0

#523132 - Saturday 29 August 2009 2:32

I agree with #5. I've had a couple of balloons in the past that would last forever and after a while you forget you have them. They used to always catch me off guard because no one expects something to be moving in their room.

By SURRAH | 0

#509396 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:43

this is more of an MLIA

By manxalicious | 0

#509397 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:43

Today I drank a cup of tea. FML

the above will be next, and if it does appear, I'm leaving -.-

By xoxomg | 0

#509398 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:43

aww this is cute. everyone has those moments =)

By fmlyels | 0

#509403 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:46

so? how is this an fml, at all? i don't even think this is mlia worthy.

Reply

omgurlifeiseffed | 0

#509733 - Sunday 23 August 2009 22:32

is mlia and fml the same company?

By anon_cophed | 3

#509409 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:50

OMFG your life is fucked....