Miscellaneous: Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this... - FML

By Scared - United States

Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML

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There's no helping some people

Man's best friend

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By Anonymous - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

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By gdog10122 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

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By archer - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

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By tryingnottocare - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

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By rawr

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

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By cantprovenothing - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

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By pgmonster - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

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By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

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By I'm screwed - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

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By mareecasellafml - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a check for $100 for a random selecting at work. My boyfriend’s reaction? Light it on fire out of jealously. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kingston

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

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By anonomous - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 20:03

Minefield

Today, my cat pissed on my bed, so I had to change the sheets. Just as I got out of bed and take my first step, I stepped in my cat's poop as well and slipped, spraining my ankle. FML

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By HarrisonR - 2/3/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Cool

Today, while talking to a boy, he asked what my name was and in a state of panic, I said, "Daddy." FML

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By Jaggu - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Get out

Today, my boyfriend tried to break up with me again, and actually offered me gas money so that I would leave. FML

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By Taylor Easley - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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By Fatty - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

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By sillygoose - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML

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By virgo - France

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make me feel better. FML

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By Wickls - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to get any time off work to go to Mexico with him, and that we'd have to get our tickets refunded, and reschedule. He said not to bother, and that he already had someone else in mind to take with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

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By Grad2010 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

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By all5fingers - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

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By Bamamomma01 - United States

Today, I went to get my midterm essay grade thinking I couldn't have made lower than a B. Got to class and my douchebag professor gave me an F. He wrote "Best essay I read, would've been an A if it was the right topic." I wrote on the Industrial Revolution, instead of the Scientific Revolution. FML

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By upset mom

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By Waterfalls - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

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By downer - United States

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

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By TheBuster

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

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By ChangoFett - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

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Top comments

By zoesterhp | 0

#509360 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:01

not fml worthy

By rabbit_fml | 0

#509374 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:28

Mods, please choose quality over quantity.

COMMENTS

By zoesterhp | 0

#509360 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:01

not fml worthy

Reply

americayay | 0

#509730 - Sunday 23 August 2009 22:29

Agreed. Scared by a Spongebob balloon. Is that really the story? Is there something I'm missing?

Reply

lax2319 | 0

#510347 - Monday 24 August 2009 3:26

how the hell did this make it past moderation?

Reply

Cupcakeshizz | 0

#1183339 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:15

I lol'ed at this. it is more of a lol than a fml though !

Reply

SayPeanuts | 29

#3004931 - Sunday 31 July 2011 1:28

Today, I got temporarily frightened by an inanimate object in the dark. I then turned on the lights and everything was okay again. FML

Reply

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3576989 - Saturday 12 November 2011 18:27

haha this happens to me all the freaking time so why is this an FML?

By puddin989 | 0

#509371 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:26

yeah wow fuck your life man...you were scared by a balloon...who gives a shit

By rabbit_fml | 0

#509374 - Sunday 23 August 2009 17:28

Mods, please choose quality over quantity.

By athiest_pope | 0

#509383 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:18

ur life is sooooo fucked
HA

By shadow_skater_fml | 0

#509386 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:22

that happened to me once...

Reply

sobe23 | 0

#523132 - Saturday 29 August 2009 2:32

I agree with #5. I've had a couple of balloons in the past that would last forever and after a while you forget you have them. They used to always catch me off guard because no one expects something to be moving in their room.

By SURRAH | 0

#509396 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:43

this is more of an MLIA

By manxalicious | 0

#509397 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:43

Today I drank a cup of tea. FML

the above will be next, and if it does appear, I'm leaving -.-

By xoxomg | 0

#509398 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:43

aww this is cute. everyone has those moments =)

By fmlyels | 0

#509403 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:46

so? how is this an fml, at all? i don't even think this is mlia worthy.

Reply

omgurlifeiseffed | 0

#509733 - Sunday 23 August 2009 22:32

is mlia and fml the same company?

By anon_cophed | 3

#509409 - Sunday 23 August 2009 18:50

OMFG your life is fucked....