Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "My mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML
Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML
Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML
Today, my son won't go to his team dinner because the other kids made fun of him for "eating like a monkey." My wife says this is my fault. Funny, when I tried to teach him not to eat with his fingers, she got mad and ranted that "people ALL OVER THE WORLD eat with their fingers, it's normal, stop criticizing him!" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from our date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML
Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Today, my Orthodox Jewish cousin’s father called his wife’s Reform Jewish family “a bunch of monkey lovers” in his Bat Mitzvah toast. Worst yet, he did basically the same thing at his daughter from his first marriage’s Bat Mitzvah toast, and mentioned this fact in the speech. FML
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Today, even though I told my son I had vegan burgers for him, he brought enough vegan food for everyone at a barbecue, and tried to get everyone to try it. Not one person ate a damn bit of it, and he’s now crying, all while blocking our drive with his car. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé’s family’s house for dinner. They put pork and/or alcohol in EVERY. SINGLE. DISH. Including putting bacon grease in the desserts. They know I’m Muslim and his mom insisted I was being rude for only drinking water. We ended up leaving with me in tears. FML
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Top comments
chumponimys 0
Does anyone even know what kosher is?! I am a conservative jew, and the jews started kosher to keep healthy. Because before we had refrigerators, if you ate meat and dairy in the same meal, you would most likely get sick. if you ate pork which is considered a dirty animal, you would also usually get sick. Kosher also prevented you from drinking from certain wells, and other safety hazards. Today, the only reason that jews keep kosher is to keep the tradition. Just because the family is breaking the laws of kosher, it does not mean that they are not jewish, it only means that they are not orthodox.
_DANTE_ 0
Yeah, by that logic, Christians should keep Kosher too... Their Bible might be an extended version, but it's still starts off as the SAME book. Everybody picks and chooses which laws they want to follow and which laws don't fit with contemporary lifestyle... and YES, the pork and shellfish ban is because of health reasons back in those times. You weren't supposed to eat shrimp because they're bottomfeeders or pigs because they walk around in thier own filth... Nowadays, though, we have technology to cook and disinfect the meat we eat, so there is no real reason to follow Kosher law. Conservative Jews only do to be "traditional". - A Reform Jew who loves bacon cheeseburgers
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Comments (105)
intrepid00 0
I refuse to believe my diet will come into question in the afterlife.
Arcterion 0
Anyone gullible to believe in an invisible man in the sky that created everything is most-likely gullible enough to think otherwise. :P
AngryWookie 0
Anyone gullible enough to think everything that exists "just happened", in direct contradiction to every established and verifiable scientific principle, is gullible enough to believe just about anything.
dramakat11 0
I respect a reverence for the mystery of life and existence and the acknowledgment that no one truly knows for sure if something such as a soul or an afterlife could exist...But organized religion is absolute bullshit in my opinion. Anyone who doesn't follow his own conscience and instead relies on a book to tell him or her what's right and wrong is weak-minded. I don't doubt that for certain people there may be insight to be gained from religious texts but simply being a slave to whatever God supposedly commands you to do without having your own moral compass is just plain immoral in my opinion. What a travesty.
EasilyUnamused 2
AngryWookie....I think I love you. And DramaKat11, followers of organized religion for the most part aren't like that. I'm not Jewish, I'm Mormon, but it too is organized religion. I can tell you that we don't rely on our books to tell us *everything*. We rely more on the teachings and example of Jesus Christ. It's not like the Book of Mormon is attatched to us. We refer to the Book of Mormon and the Bible for guidance and comfort more than anything. I'm sure it is very similar for those of Jewish religion and their texts.
dramakat11 0
Good to know. And you're free to believe what you want but I'm just curious: what gives you faith in your religion? Do you truly believe? Do you pick and choose which things to believe? How can you truly believe in God if you follow this religion and yet don't believe every word of it? You say yourself you mostly turn to it for guidance and comfort, do you think maybe you just believe because you WANT to believe that your life has some kind of purpose and meaning and to ease your fear and hopelessness at the possibility that when you die you may truly just be gone?
christopherlove 0
As an atheist, I've never met anybody who believes everything "just happened."
wrw28405 0
#46, DramaKat11, I have to agree with you.
Arcterion 0
FYL. People should stop being such ******* retards and letting religion dictate their life. If you like pork, just eat it. More power to you, mang.
deweyd8855 3
True that. My family is Jewish but we refuse to keep Kosher because the practice is completely outdated. Not mixing meat and cheese and avoiding pork and shellfish were necessary in Biblical times for the sake of food preservation. I believe technology has slightly advanced (sarcasm) since then, so there's really no need to do that. I love cheeseburgers and pork and will continue to eat them. Do what you want and don't listen to people like those mentioned in this FML; Jews can be so judgmental sometimes.
ozymandias_fml 0
FYL for taking your kid to fairy-tale camp.
dramakat11 0
haha!!! Props 44! That's exactly what it is. LMAO
Pastor_Rich 0
pork.... the other white meat lol
vanessa_nessa_08 0
lucyyyyyyy in the sky with diamonds
spillproof 0
I love pork chops! OP enjoy them!
AntiChrist7 0
so you don't do jewish when eating, but you send your kid to a jewish camp? Or you are retarded, or very hypocrit
babazad3h 0
What does OP stand for???
eleanor_rigby 0
I've always wondered the same thing
iSmellNice 2
Original Poster
MK1029 0
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+does+OP+mean%3F Don't be such a dumbass. If you couldn't figure it out, you REALLY could have searched for it. You don't deserve to live.
k_cool 0
:) best, ever.
plexico 4
What a stupid insensitive thing to say! It would be like going to an AA meeting and singing "99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall."