Today, my Orthodox Jewish cousin’s father called his wife’s Reform Jewish family “a bunch of monkey lovers” in his Bat Mitzvah toast. Worst yet, he did basically the same thing at his daughter from his first marriage’s Bat Mitzvah toast, and mentioned this fact in the speech. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML
Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "My mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML
Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
Today, we had a family gathering but the whole time my spoiled brat of a sister made a big deal about her “coming out” as polyamorous. She kept going on and on about imaginary struggles and oppression, while simultaneously bragging about all the people (if you can call them that) she’s banging. FML
Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Why did he get a second chance to make a toast? Let alone get invited. Fool me once, a shanda on you. Fool me twice, a shanda on me!
Hangryko 32
Why was he invited back!?
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Why did he get a second chance to make a toast? Let alone get invited. Fool me once, a shanda on you. Fool me twice, a shanda on me!
Hangryko 32
Why was he invited back!?