Transportation: Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a... - FML

By kas - 30/04/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 312

Taking stock

iPhone 8? So bougie.

Living my best life

Psycho

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01

Today, I'd never quite realised how nasty my girlfriend was until she hit a kid on a zebra crossing and was more upset that her bumper was dented than the fact an 8 year-old had a broken leg. She was still blaming the kid and demanding his parents pay the damage as he was being put in the ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 167

By 2285morgan - 15/12/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 380

You deserved it 6 075

By Good morning to you all - 20/06/2018 20:30

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 390

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 004

You deserved it 2 794

By brokeasajoke - 01/11/2013 12:58 - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 719

You deserved it 10 729

By ChangoFett - 26/05/2013 06:46 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 50 761

By dontask - 22/12/2018 18:00

Today I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 1 726

By bzygirl - 26/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 880

You deserved it 7 795

By Maestro - 01/12/2008 06:09 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 361

You deserved it 4 019

By flyingpuppy - 17/06/2012 06:33 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 443

You deserved it 3 841

By Mel - 11/09/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 242

You deserved it 649

By PeeFlavouredFloss - 14/01/2013 03:36 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 306

You deserved it 3 130

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 22:00

Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 606

You deserved it 385

Perfect

By Julian - 05/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on with our perfect, sexless married life together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 151

By samaram - 04/06/2013 06:47 - United States

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 911

You deserved it 3 924

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 15:35 - Romania

Spicy

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 415

You deserved it 21 007

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 947

You deserved it 4 452

By college0001 - 20/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 767

You deserved it 1 821

By Wex - 09/01/2009 09:02 - Chile

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 866

You deserved it 2 641

By lonely - 01/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 024

You deserved it 34 403

By Anonymous - 05/02/2019 04:00

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 634

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - 01/01/2015 05:25 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 195

You deserved it 6 843

By Lizofsmeg - 11/05/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 140

You deserved it 3 202

Scream

By dating a pussy - 18/02/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 089

You deserved it 5 726

By Schrewt - 24/01/2010 08:50 - France

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 3 148

By Anonymous - 03/02/2012 07:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 872

You deserved it 4 334

By Mandoune - 07/11/2008 14:18 - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 281

You deserved it 4 555

By dream1334 - 02/06/2012 23:28 - United States - East Rockaway

Today, I was at a wedding. After videotaping the ceremony for a few minutes, my memory was full. I went to delete another video. I accidentally played the loudest video I had. No one was looking at the bride or groom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 9 642

By queenmeme - 08/10/2014 06:02 - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 285

You deserved it 3 714

Street art

By squidwardpotatoes - 14/11/2009 11:08 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from SpongeBob, with large letters spelling, "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 210

You deserved it 3 244

By tenniemo - 12/01/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 282

You deserved it 576

By arghh - 29/09/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 703

You deserved it 5 552

"Pooping and Shit"

By everybodypoops - 02/08/2017 20:00

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 791

You deserved it 506

By coffeeburns - 19/07/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 190

You deserved it 3 929

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 318

You deserved it 5 082

By bitch - 04/08/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 765

You deserved it 55 382

By Anonymous - 26/05/2014 03:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 164

You deserved it 4 489

You can't win sometimes

By rahhhnnnn - 25/04/2020 02:00

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 240

By single - 15/12/2017 10:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 144

You deserved it 491

By nazooer - 22/03/2012 01:50 - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 323

You deserved it 3 815

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:07

whenever I see a cop, no matter what I'm doing, I start to feel like I'm doing something illegal

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:06

XD wow....just wow....how can you forget you're WALKING?

Comments

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:04

#1 woo! that sucks! r u serious??? a little brain dead today?

lolpwntdumass 0

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Sunday 14 February 2010 5:11

lmfao. not an fml, but funny

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Saturday 10 April 2010 19:37

bulll

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Thursday 20 May 2010 4:03

johnnnnnny Cade!(:iluvvv the outsiders

misterbunbuns 0

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Tuesday 10 August 2010 4:48

this is more like an mlia

ThatGuyWithHair 0

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Saturday 14 August 2010 22:15

"I just wanted to see my username in fmylife.com. FML" @OP No really, you're an idiot.

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 4:40

This exact FML is on MLIA too.

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:05

BAHAHA

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Sunday 2 October 2011 9:11

Ironic how he was hiding behind a budget truck and how tickets destroy one's budget.

thatonewhitegirl 0

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Tuesday 31 January 2012 1:30

makes me think of how many times I've done that. DERP.

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Saturday 12 May 2012 6:25

Meth can do some crazy shit

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:06

thats just stupid... not a 'fml'

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:06

XD wow....just wow....how can you forget you're WALKING?

dont_stop_believ 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 6:32

that's what I thought I mean come ON!

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Monday 3 October 2011 17:54

Lol, it's probably one of those moments, when you're looking for your phone using the torch from your phone :P

odexy 12

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Wednesday 5 October 2011 2:24

Exactly xD. Everyone does something unimaginably dumb every now and then. For example, I have tried calling my lighter when I lost it. lolol.

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Friday 23 August 2013 14:09

LOL xD I've put ice cream away in the cupboard before :3

lol_Epic_Fail 0

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:07

Hahaha. At least you won't have a heart attack from walking too fast. lol

kgb121 0

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:07

whenever I see a cop, no matter what I'm doing, I start to feel like I'm doing something illegal

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 23:29

heh me too, they always give me odd looks

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Saturday 20 March 2010 6:37

I know!! I'm like ok so now just because I'm Mexican and in Texas i'm an illegal immigrant? lol jkk

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 6:08

at least ur not in arizona. just saying ;)

rawr_iliketacos 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 8:20

hmmph

LovelyLadyFriend 9

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Monday 24 October 2011 3:13

Same. Here. XD

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Sunday 11 December 2011 19:17

Me too!! Which is stupid because I know I'm not doing something illegal, but the crime rate is so low where I live, the cops get so bored they seem to have competitions to see who can give a ticket for the most insignificant thing when they are not chasing some speeders. Maybe if my town had a doughnut shop....lol

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Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:57

I know exactly how you feel.

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Tuesday 7 May 2013 6:30

#353 you must be from Irvine.

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Thursday 6 February 2014 7:16

Everything is illegal when a cop is nearby.

frodosynthesis69 8

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Saturday 11 July 2015 6:29

haha me to!

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:08

so.. made... up

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:08

That...is just dumn. GET OUT MORE. |: Although a cop probably would give you a ticket for walking too fast...

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:09

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Thursday 30 April 2009 23:09

how fast can you really be going when you're walking that you would feel like you're speeding

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 97

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 287