Kids: Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me,... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/10/2014 08:19 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 487

You deserved it 7 302

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Narcissist

Cogs in the machine

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 04:01 - United Kingdom - Lincoln

Today, I was dismissed from my job for my poor absence record. I'd not received any formal warnings, and was dismissed on the spot. My absences were because of my disability. He didn't even ask for medical records. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 112

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 877

You deserved it 3 914

By allinicolesmh - 08/08/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 189

You deserved it 2 687

By NoPainNoGain - 17/09/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 308

You deserved it 2 585

Long distance

By singlesailor - 19/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I'm in my fourth month of training in the US Navy. I'm 3000 miles from home. I joined to give my wife a better life. Since I've been gone, she decided that she liked being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 444

You deserved it 4 434

By PC Jones - 20/09/2011 14:56 - Australia

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 376

You deserved it 3 197

By misterhippo - 22/04/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 574

You deserved it 12 186

Crowded House

By crowded - 20/05/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his parents' house for the weekend. He didn’t tell me until after we’d arrived that all his siblings and their SO's would also be coming. His parents live in a 2 bedroom, one bath house. So far there are 16 people here and he’s refusing to drive me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 295

The Terminator

By Manny Managerson - 23/11/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, a furious woman stormed into my job, demanding to know why I fired her precious baby boy. I explained that watching porn on the clock is grounds for termination. She screamed that I was lying about him and that she’ll see me in court for slandering him. I had to call the cops to make her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 63

By Angel - 22/06/2015 02:16 - United States - Utica

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 083

You deserved it 2 141

By Anonymous - 02/08/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 260

By iheartvodka - 07/11/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 590

You deserved it 6 679

By fuckyoutoo - 24/03/2013 23:47 - Canada - Armstrong

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 225

You deserved it 9 589

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 13:59

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 589

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 46 060

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 12:28 - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 317

You deserved it 2 739

By depr3ssed - 31/01/2010 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 534

You deserved it 29 425

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 040

You deserved it 3 384

By wideeyeddays - 02/02/2016 20:05 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he decided to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 427

You deserved it 1 622

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 403

You deserved it 11 804

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 4 126

Help!

By Krissy - 01/04/2021 19:59

Today, at work on the front desk at a dental office, there was a massive system glitch. I'm now currently recreating appointments for around 300 patients, on top of checking out the patients that are currently in today from their appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 52

By GetHardOrGoHome - 31/03/2012 04:22 - United States - Chardon

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 508

You deserved it 3 479

By Dx - 06/03/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my usual. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 205

You deserved it 34 801

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 yr old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 716

You deserved it 2 813

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 369

You deserved it 32 189

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 911

You deserved it 4 837

By sluttyfox - 31/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 209

By Callum536 - 22/08/2016 09:51 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 909

You deserved it 858

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 85

What the fuck was that?

By Hatty - 14/03/2010 10:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 23 610

Downhill

By worthless - 03/04/2011 00:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 19 298

By probablydodgedabullet - 08/11/2013 11:30 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 772

You deserved it 4 636

By loneliness - 30/12/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 063

You deserved it 7 349

By HunniBeeHuni - 17/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 306

You deserved it 27 898

By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 220

You deserved it 3 280

By Dry - 18/03/2017 16:00

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 799

You deserved it 407

Compassionate man

By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 72

By mr.nobody - 16/12/2011 14:59 - Cyprus

Today, after I sent around 300 entries to a competition hosted by a deodorant company where the main prize is a trip to Hawaii, spending around 5 hours sending the entries, I won a deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 36 871

By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/05/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 622

You deserved it 4 237

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Top comments

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:47

Well, if the car came barreling out of nowhere it's not your fault. Hope you aren't hurt!

HappyItalian 38

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:49

And now those kids will be too terrified at the image of someone getting hit by a car that they won't want to cross the street.

Comments

whenitdidhappen 14

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:47

I guess you just got ran by bad luck

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 13:44

And a car

whenitdidhappen 14

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 13:52

I guess I come up with lousy puns

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 14:41

I guess that was carma...

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 15:56

#26 - oh, that was a pun? :|

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 16:24

Why did OP cross the road? To get hit hard by irony!

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Thursday 30 October 2014 3:12

Maybe op forgot that when you do see a car, you don't go

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:47

Well, if the car came barreling out of nowhere it's not your fault. Hope you aren't hurt!

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 16:45

That happened to me once going down one of those 45* driveways, looked both ways and went down, and a car comes around the corner directly to my right, then an old women bitched me out for like the next 5-10 minutes while my friends stood off to the side laughing, lol.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 17:47

Yeah, sometimes life just decides to hit you where it hurts...Well in your case, literally.

vanessa_tranz 15

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:48

Did you look left, right, then left again? But that sucks OP, if the car came from nowhere. I'm going to assume this was the case.

weveallbeenthere 30

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:54

op is from Australia, he needed to look right, left, right. And behind him if at an intersection.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:59

The FML states that he thoroughly looked both ways.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 15:58

something tells me that he looked both ways, decided it was 'safe enough' despite there being some cars around, and crossed anyway. some people forget the reason why they do something.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 20:47

I find it unlikely (although it is possible) that Op looked both ways and crossed the street without there being any cars nearby. Unless the car came barreling out of nowhere really fast? But then wouldn't Op have been killed if the car was going that fast? It sounds to me like Op made more of a show about looking around than he put in actually looking around. I could be wrong, but it seems unlikely to me.

vanessa_tranz 15

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 21:58

#14 Oh whoops, my bad! I must've glanced over it. Now that I think about it, I agree with #36 and #43.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:49

Maybe it's time to go back to holding your mom's hand when crossing the street

sayyestothedress 24

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Thursday 30 October 2014 3:27

How can people click the YDI button?!? It was obviously not OP's fault cuz he was just crossing the road. If the car came out if nowhere it's not OP's fault. But if the car was coming slowly enough for OP to see it, then it's OP's fault

Brandi_Faith 33

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Thursday 30 October 2014 5:07

I think you're confused 49. You just asked how Op could deserve it, than gave an example of how it was Op's fault. I think you answered your own question. ;)

HappyItalian 38

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:49

And now those kids will be too terrified at the image of someone getting hit by a car that they won't want to cross the street.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 16:01

well, that's one way to keep them safe! ;)

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:49

I really want to know how.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:50

This is in desperate need of a follow up.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:50

ok kids be sure and check both sides of the road before crossing.... OH SHIT!!

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:53

Sometimes, the world is still an asshole when you try and do right.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 12:53

Those kids are probably too traumatized to cross the street now.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283