Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I told my roommate that I was trying to lose weight, so she kindly removed all the junk food from the kitchen. I just found it all hidden under her bed. Apparently, she didn’t trust me enough to resist temptation, and she was absolutely correct. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that included the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mozeltov 7
See, that's what I do to help me lose weight, eat all the unhealthy stuff, and leave the healthy stuff for me to eat later
cBlackout 13
Time to plot your revenge over a nice carrot.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (130)
copy125 0
TAKE THE HINT!
zbennett 0
Are you both fat?
neongurl98 10
She was just trying to help! :)
itsklaudia 3
Just trying to help.. yea just like how my family 'just tried to help' by calling me fat when i was younger and wasn't fat.. guess who has an eating disorder now?... its not help its rude.. anyways if she thought she was fat she should stop being a pussy and should tell her straight.. but the roommates' got no balls.. and no morals either
natashax21 5
Let's look at who the real fatty is. Props to your roommate for coming up with a very clever way of getting a free buffet.
1summitash 1
Sounds like she did you a favor, fat ass
keribear19 0
Lol so something I would do, props to your friend :)
ukrage 1
What a great friend lmfao
NewNewXOMuah 0
Tht means your room mate is gonna get fat not you . Haha unless you Pigg out on Fastfood -__-
codplayer2442 1
EAT THE VEGGIE'S... Fatty
Cheylea 10
Just think, she's saving you from diabetes!
Cheylea 10
Did I imply a "type" of diabetes? No... I simply said "diabetes". & it was sarcasm... Ever heard of it?
Cheylea 10
Well considering I have been on the edge of becoming diabetic due to obeisity, I already know the effects from it. I do have friends who are diabetic, both types. I did something about my weight. I lost it & saved myself from diabetes, which is what I was indicating to the OP. This entire site is sarcasm & jokes. If you can't take one don't read any of the posts?
Cheylea 10
#111 I do apologize for the generalization... It was meant for a joke, no other reason.