Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
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Top comments
Dodge4x4Ram 46
tell him that shit wasn't funny
Mauskau 36
I stay on the toilet by choice because my phone is fun. However it's no fun when you're constantly ******** yourself. Think about it this way, free weight loss!
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Comments (102)
Cemetery87 10
holy shit, he could have killed you! no really. so many ways that can go wrong. you know that's considered poisoning right?
newyearstandup 13
That sucks man... Get him back!!! On a positive note... Love your description "horse ******** it's intestines" lol
carzaki27 12
Wow, such a great friend.
Zottenpedj 21
what a shitty situation.
mathosiantech 10
Shitty problem
blackonblight 33
It may not have even been an excessive amount of laxatives. If it was a powerful one, then the actual recommended dose would be just as bad as OP is describing.
AscendV 19
Talk about a pain in the ass.. Budum tssss. No? Ok
FaduFai 22
Better point out that if those were made to draw out water into the intestine to soften stool, he could have flooded your intestines. He was probably just was unaware but very dangerous. FYL, OP
JamandToast4 5
Ever tried eating 5 lbs of sugar free gummy bears? On the toilet for a day.
Rababco 29
That doesn't sound like a very good friend. That could be dangerous because you get dehydrated and possibly even die. Try to keep hydrated by drinking lots of water and if it gets really bad go to the hospital. I think that might even be illegal.
nanner6206 24
Drugging someone? Yeah, I imagine that is, in fact, illegal.