Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my hands away, she said, "I was only dating you to get my self-confidence up, I'm good now." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while making out with my girlfriend, I got the courage to take off my shirt. I told her in advance that I had a sunken chest and she'd told me it was no big deal. Turns out it was, as she wretched at the sight of it, and then broke up with me. FML
Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
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Top comments
docscientist 10
This is where you tell her you were only interested in her to get laid. Her self-confidence should dive-bomb and become a complete wreck, scattered upon a scorched landscape. Confidence isn't built from someone wanting to have sex with you, she's horribly misguided.
EwanSmith 2
used, but not even in the good way
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Comments (121)
Steve95401 49
There goes OP's self confidence.
TheSofaKing 7
Tell her she is a fat ass, lazy, inmature **** and you were only dating her because you wanted to **** her mother.
5t3ff1k4h 47
You never once thought to yourself, "why haven't we done anything yet?" YDI for missing the signs.
paleontologist 8
Uh... how is depriving yourself of doing something that you enjoy having "self-respect"? You can **** your boyfriend whenever you want and still have self-respect. As long as you enjoy it and you're in control of your decisions, I fail to see how refusing to give your boyfriend a ******* is somehow an indication that one has self-respect. Denying yourself pleasure for absolutely no logical reason seems more to me like the person lacks self-respect.
5t3ff1k4h 47
48 - Yeah, I'm an advocate on self respect so I know this already. However it seems that the girls who HAVE self respect are few and far between.
Drummer389000 0
You're kind of an idiot lady. I date people who don't want to go farther than cuddling for a while, ever think she's not gonna randomly **** him?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Drummer - I'm far from an idiot. Obviously you're not very observant to your surroundings or those people around you. Just because you've dated a few people who haven't wanted to go farther than cuddling doesn't mean everyone's like that. People who don't want to move too far EXIST, but they're FEW AND FAR BETWEEN, at least in my experience. For the most part, guys are players and girls are *****. I hope the capitalization gets my point across for you; I believe I'd said that already, but clearly you missed that.
FMLsOhilarious 6
Wow, girls actually do this kind of thing?
toalysium 15
Recipie for date rape. I really hope you weren't at her place and you made that bitch walk home.
hyden121 2
Dump her butt right now and let her get her self-confidence somewhere else.
21jason 9
You should have said " THANK GOD because I really didn't wanna see you naked" than shed keep dating you
21jason 9
I got a lot of wisdom in my 15 years lol
Ionodemon1995 0
Tell her she's fat like this. 'Are you sure your using me, and its not your fat rolls?'
Jclark8328 0
Was she a ugly bitch?
imani132 6
Ouch... What a bitch