Work: Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for...

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 04:26 - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 628

You deserved it 2 213

Work

Sorry…

Empathy lives

No sex, lots of violins

By unlucky - 11/12/2014 13:26 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 309

You deserved it 39 557

By xxlenalunaxx - 29/04/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 4 251

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 563

By HorrorByrd - 26/07/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 967

You deserved it 14 155

By great - 25/01/2013 20:36 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 673

You deserved it 6 529

By Estee1024 - 24/01/2014 05:28 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 47 914

You deserved it 5 615

By Username - 25/05/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 314

You deserved it 9 577

By SteamLass765 - 13/08/2015 09:58

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 710

You deserved it 1 755

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 015

You deserved it 5 091

Hot pixels

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 16:59

Today, after months of having my standards lowered by how unattractive guys' dating profiles are, I found myself masturbating to the yellow guy from Sin City. Yep. He's hot compared to my real options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 538

By abercrombieef - 27/08/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 603

You deserved it 3 932

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 528

You deserved it 10 387

By fuckstudentloans - 18/06/2015 23:29 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 13 826

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 634

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 17:34

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 364

You deserved it 2 483

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 508

You deserved it 3 145

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 071

You deserved it 2 988

By sore - 04/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 639

You deserved it 3 849

By BigLove - 05/02/2014 02:25 - United States - Stoneham

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 412

You deserved it 5 285

By allergies - 18/09/2015 14:43 - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 979

You deserved it 1 780

By ...loud noises...urgh... - 02/11/2011 16:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 192

You deserved it 51 188

By maced face - 05/02/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 118

You deserved it 3 502

By Mic - 07/01/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 463

You deserved it 4 620

By NoCookForYou - 22/08/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 612

You deserved it 5 814

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 195

You deserved it 282

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 806

By Emily27 - 20/01/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 221

You deserved it 4 928

Priorities

By Brodam - 17/09/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 168

It's all too much

By IHaveThePower - 07/10/2021 23:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I spent all day cleaning for my grandparents to come over, only for my grandfather and father to interrupt me, talk over me, and treat me like I'd done something wrong. I'm autistic and was infodumping. They know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 116

By stew - 23/06/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 980

You deserved it 3 848

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 05:00

Today, my mum put up a sticky fly trap to try get rid of our fly problem. My phone started ringing and I jogged to answer it, but my hair got suck in the trap. My mum had to pull my hair out of the sticky mess and pick dead fly bodies out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 375

Oh no, she's back

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 18:01 - United States - Little River

Today, I learned that the respondents on the Suicide Hotline recognize me, and not fondly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 165

By oh my soul - 14/03/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 774

You deserved it 2 018

By Banana_Lord - 11/09/2015 23:50 - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 380

You deserved it 1 829

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 21:15 - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 883

You deserved it 6 952

Lovely Rita

By Greg - 29/08/2020 05:01

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 3 473

Dreamweaver

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 08:01

Today, I woke up with a scream of pain to find the reason I've had so many realistic dreams lately: my boyfriend has been messing with me in my sleep because he thinks my reactions are funny. For instance, when he pinched me today, I experienced a very realistic wasp sting in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 93

By dannyboy - 30/03/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 352

You deserved it 14 778

Renegade neighbor

By Fuck you, Yolanda! - 19/10/2021 22:00

Today, I have an egregious delinquent neighbor. She is always using internet and electrical services illegally, but is always getting packages from Amazon. Her packages are always left at my place, as she is so afraid of tax collectors, she won't open the door. She gave my billing address without my consent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 95

By crazyhair docare - 08/07/2019 16:00

Today, after a lifetime of weaves and extensions, I felt brave enough to wear my natural hair to work. As soon as I clocked in, my manager yelled, “Holy shit! What happened to you? Stick your finger in a socket or something?” I was then sent home for being, “Out of uniform.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 285

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Top comments

Archay 13

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:06

The roaches must have been from the luggage.

immaMonsta 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 11:58

OMG. I'd die. Cockroaches creep me the fuck out! FYL!

bitchpleasemike 7

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 11:54

that's chat. FYL.

xXUND3ADcityXx 0

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:17

What's with your pic?

Da_Bauss435 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 13:27

the the dog is just trying to stay active and healthy so it can fit into it's desk at school

BeatifulPenguin 4

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 23:48

Yeah! Honey badger don't care. He'll kill all of them. Then he'll go eat a cobra! Don't know what that means? Go to youtube, type in 'the crazy nastyass honey badger' it's the one that says, (original narration done by Randall)

immaMonsta 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 11:58

OMG. I'd die. Cockroaches creep me the fuck out! FYL!

Jaxx66 21

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 15:12

Yeah, I'd of run back inside having a panic attack, trying to trade two jobs just to pawn off that one

angelikagiza 0

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 15:22

What is FYL

folgy 10

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 16:05

Fuck your life

11mandy80 6

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 17:13

What does op mean

Nevereverland 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 17:25

Ostrich Punani

immaMonsta 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 18:35

#53 Original poster.

boydeee01 7

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 18:45

You just ruined a long thread of everybody's version of OP that happens every time somebody asks what it means.

immaMonsta 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 18:57

#58 I don't care. I don't play little games and make up other things that OP could stand for. It's childish.

ash1rose 11

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Wednesday 18 April 2012 6:53

It means "original poster" :)

NoisyNykkii 10

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Wednesday 18 April 2012 8:08

It means opaque penis.... Pft, 'original poster' that doesn't even make sense! (and this one is for the laughs~)

birdcagereligion 10

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:05

That sounds completely terrifying, I'm sorry.

SephoraGypsy 15

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 14:00

Anything with wings, in my opinion are terrifying as all fuck. Lizards are cool, not creepy at all. Put wings on them, you've got child killing, village destroying dragons. Sharks. Stay out of the water, you're pretty sweet. Sharks with wings, the world becomes an apocalyptic abattoir, scattered with human remains. Roaches + wings = GTFO of there.

KrayKrayGurl117 7

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 20:13

31: You just made my day with that ;D haha

Mojjy 3

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:06

Go show those cockroaches who's boss!! just be like "come at me bro!"

thisisafunnyname 12

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 13:26

Clearly OP is not boss because if he were, he would not have assigned himself to clean the outside bar

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 23:29

Don't know if trolling or just slow... ^

Archay 13

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:06

The roaches must have been from the luggage.

dragonstrike94 8

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 13:10

Iseewhatyoudidthere

KaelaKhaotic 5

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:14

I'd quit. That's just gross.

Branflakes78 13

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 13:13

why would you quit over that? so just because of a few bugs you will just stop getting paid because you quit?!?!

Llama_Face89 33

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 14:23

20- she's 16. Of course she won't understand how difficult it is to get a job these days.

xXUND3ADcityXx 0

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:15

FYL I would have quit that's too scary lol you're a trooper if you did it :)

Birdie_Sage 0

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:16

Not much of a "cleaning party", huh? You can gather them in one spot by throwing food on the ground and squash them. Then you start cleaning.

shinshoku13 19

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:51

If you step on roaches, they multiply ten fold

nofearjenshere 12

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:21

I bet you were bugged out.

Branflakes78 13

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 13:15

wow so original. not

firecopy 6

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 13:22

Actually it was original, and it was slightly humorous.

Llama_Face89 33

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 14:24

21- HEY! Her comments often make my day! Leave her alone!

nofearjenshere 12

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 20:45

I make someone's day! :D Hope you have an awesome day today! Edit: and to you bran flakes... Corn flakes are way better!

cmyk 19

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 12:38

How often do you prople who work there clean?! Once a year?! Thats just grim -.- Makes me wonder where you work where you're allowing it to go so far..