Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML
Today, my uncle called me at work, telling me to rush him to the doctor's. I get home and he doesn't"t want to go anywhere. He says he has the chills, so I turn on the furnace. Next he says he's too hot, and stripped to his underwear. I ask him to let me take him to doctor. He does nothing. Work is expecting me to bring a doctor's note tomorrow. FML
Today, my brother is staying over for a while. I thought I was prepared for this, but I totally forgot that he is inexplicably prone to having random nosebleeds. He's going through my Kleenex faster than a horny teenage boy left alone in his room. Time to hoard Kleenex like how people hoarded toilet paper in 2020. FML
Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML
Today, my brother has two broken arms and needs help wiping his own ass. Bonus, he has bad diarrhoea from the food poisoning he got from the shrimp he made me hand-feed him yesterday. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML
Today, snow finally arrived in my area, in very large quantities. Also today, I seem to have caught my dad's cold. The town is too snowed in for traveling and my medications are running low, so I guess we'll suffer together. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML
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Top comments
metallica_wins 20
Maybe tell him to "man" up?
rhcpgurl 18
Guys are usually like that. If men had periods, they'd check into the hospital for a week per month and drugged up on morphine.
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Comments (83)
fwongraven 10
Colds are shit because you feel ill enough to be thoroughly miserable but you're not ill enough to justify your self-pity. I say allow people their few days of moaning.
NoFightinDestiny 9
Dude, I have it too! The obligatory winter cold we get can sometimes create the illusion that we're dying :P
perdix 31
Let him know there is no such thing as a "man cold," and that sniffles are an early symptom of bubonic plague, smallpox and botulism. Tell him to "Vaya Con Dios" and slowly back away from him.
_Llama__Llama_ 3
Please do this! That would be hilarious!
rservidone78 2
That awkward moment when he does die...
infinitegrace 21
No.
mn_shr 22
You should go die 21
RedPillSucks 33
And sometimes when we're not.
StraightPain 9
I honestly think every man does that lol my dad is the same way.
foxy_grampa 19
Sounds like he's dying to me *sarcasm*
SWC_Penguin 17
The whole man cold/flu thing perplexes me. I fit a lot of male stereotypes (talk about my feeling? never!) but this one completely passed me by. When I get sick I put all my effort into downplaying it and not letting people know. Am I really alone on this?
Enslaved 38
There's nothing wrong with wanting your love ones to bring you soup and cold meds while you rest up and try and get better. You'd do the same for them too, right?
SWC_Penguin 17
Yes, I do it for them, but I have to be SUPER sick before I'd ask the same in return. I think I've only been "helplessly sick" 3 or 4 times in my 10-year marriage. The rest of the times I'm sick I usually completely hide it for 2 or 3 days before finally mentioning it to my wife, but at that point I go to bed and leave her alone.
SThompson90 7
No your not alone. When "real" men get sick they're in the process of dying. It becomes an actual possibility.
edanielleh 21
@ 26 My boyfriend does the same thing. I had to convince him to go to the hospital when he passed a kidney stone
Dawnstempest 17
@ 26 Reading through the comments I was beginning to worry I was also alone in this. My philosophy is simple, "business as usual". I don't let people know I am sick. They only find out when my voice changes (because of stuffed up nose/ sore throat). @ 28 I would take care of my loved ones, but I hate being babied. If I am so sick I cannot get up and get my own pills (which I do not take), or get/ make my own food, then I will either be (a) in the hospital, or (b) dead. I am a firm believer in do everything possible yourself, and don't whine, ever. It's a sickness, not death. That said, if a loved one of mine wants to request stuff, fine, it's their life. I'll bring them food/ pills/ blankets, whatever, so they get better faster.
isabellasimone 18
I think he needs a MAN cold
EvilLittleMan 23
Poor guy will freak when gets blue balls.