Miscellaneous: Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at... - FML

By Mellamononeyobiz - 13/01/2016 02:10 - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 075

You deserved it 1 615

BO Central

Trans women are women

Thanks dad

By b3ardown23 - 07/09/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 2 818

Mrs Heckles?

By loud sweeper - 07/10/2019 06:00

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 122

By Kayak - 29/12/2013 23:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 407

You deserved it 4 470

By subtweetqueen - 09/09/2016 04:18 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 437

You deserved it 1 209

By motherdearest - 21/03/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 207

You deserved it 6 950

By that girl - 08/04/2014 23:06 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 155

You deserved it 12 594

By effedfosh - 07/04/2009 04:53 - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 511

You deserved it 8 805

By cjay2200 - 28/08/2011 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 115

You deserved it 9 880

By katiebird - 16/03/2016 20:51 - United States - Durham

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 545

You deserved it 2 014

Miscommunication

By embarrassed - 21/07/2021 01:59 - United States

Today, I saw a really cute guy in the grocery store. We made eye contact a few times and I was trying to work up the nerve to start a conversation. Instead, he screamed, "Yes, I know I’m fat, bitch. You don’t have to stare!” I got so many dirty looks I left immediately. I didn’t think he was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 82

By crap car - 30/03/2016 01:13 - United States - Golden

Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 1 832

By Anonymous - 17/07/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 47 139

By Baustigt - 22/08/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 653

You deserved it 13 794

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 388

You deserved it 5 184

By mylifeisfcked - 25/02/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 703

You deserved it 4 763

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 15:05 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 842

You deserved it 4 197

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 894

You deserved it 7 233

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 113

You deserved it 3 958

By Damn - 06/12/2016 20:12

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 002

You deserved it 1 985

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 3 733

By arbiter3 - 04/04/2011 10:13

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 037

You deserved it 17 776

By my patience is starting to crack - 12/06/2017 22:00

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 919

You deserved it 221

By Anon. - 28/11/2009 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 982

You deserved it 6 204

By oops - 30/07/2012 00:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 120

You deserved it 7 091

By Anonymous - 06/03/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, my housemate blew chunks all over the freshly-painted walls in the bathroom. The paint was still wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 062

You deserved it 358

By VetTechStudent - 25/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 689

You deserved it 344

Cats > People

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Craftsbury

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I could talk to them throughout the day." Then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 692

You deserved it 13 920

Cheap-ass perv!

By Allison Arsenault - 07/06/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 429

Dumbasses

By stay in there - 17/04/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 270

By m - 09/09/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 671

You deserved it 4 199

By upsetandannoyed - 01/01/2012 05:41 - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 928

You deserved it 3 674

By unluckycounsellor - 30/06/2009 23:26 - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 715

You deserved it 4 809

Bathtime

By Kerry - 22/02/2021 20:01 - Canada

Today, I was running water for a relaxing bath. There have been some problems with the town's water for a while now, so I was pleased when the water looked so clear. Right as I thought that, however, the water instantly changed from crystal clear to shit brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 06:31 - United Kingdom - Evesham

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 001

You deserved it 2 389

By Broke as a joke - 04/05/2019 04:00

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 934

By shoveless - 20/12/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 620

You deserved it 556

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 19 800

By anonymous - 17/09/2013 17:52 - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 761

You deserved it 3 940

By A. - 14/10/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 232

You deserved it 3 579

By Chaosfigure - 03/09/2017 13:00

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 870

You deserved it 226

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:53

Soft kitty, high kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty, hazy kitty Purr, purr, purr

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:47

Now I'm thinking of a kitty that's absolutely blazed out of its mind.

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:45

This isn't a FML so much as a F the cats life or F the sisters life.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:45

Fuck your life for having to deal with that level of idiocy almost daily, OP.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 13:09

Idiocy ? maybe the Mom is sick and tired of having to defend herself in her own home so she said the first thing that came through her head? Sure, I stinks and it's unpleasant but if it's the worst thing that's happened to OP, I mean honestly that's not a big deal ! Just ask her to go outside or crack open a window! Not the end of the world!

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 13:18

Or she might just wanna get high af

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 14:51

#19 the reason it is idiotic is for doing it in your child's bedroom. Besides it is illegal.

fuckedPriceless 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:38

#28 The law isn't always right.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 19:48

#28 could have been for medical purposes, like the daughter dosent fucking smoke, and it's her own damn house she'll smoke where she wants.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 21:38

I absolutely hate parents that think like you. It's her daughters house too, why would you smoke In her room when you have the rest of the house?

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:47

Now I'm thinking of a kitty that's absolutely blazed out of its mind.

sturschaedel 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:53

That's easy: YouTube cats on catnip.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 16:11

"Best mental image of the week" award goes to . . .

Zebediabolical 39

Send a private message

Thursday 14 January 2016 4:01

I sell catnip packaged to look like weed at a local farmers market sometimes. It's labelled as 'Pussy Pot' or 'Kitty Kush'. Sometimes rolled into fake joints with rice paper so the cat can just tear it up and get into it. :D

Send a private message

Friday 15 January 2016 3:22

Kitty's name is Steve French.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:53

She could've just gone outside

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 13:13

Yeah that'd be good if it weren't the middle of the winter! Probably cold right now in Nebraska!

Send a private message

Thursday 14 January 2016 2:38

I blaze outside no matter what the temperature

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:53

Soft kitty, high kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty, hazy kitty Purr, purr, purr

moodyreallyrocks 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 11:42

Sad but true!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 11:47

Would have made more sense if you had a pet skunk.

LyricaSilvan 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 11:48

Well. That's a mature reaction.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 11:58

Well you never know! ;)

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 12:06

At least it she didn't use your room?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 196

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 266