By AkaiKitsune

The Trifecta

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

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4048

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Health

Proactive

Runner up

Welcome back!

By forever young - United States

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

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26376

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52703

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By Pantsontheground - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

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2904

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By RKE - United States

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35511

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3305

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 17:02

Corporate ass

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1689

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168

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By retailshell - Australia - Perth

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32347

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2680

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By x0SoReckless0x - United States

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48251

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3449

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By wasntme

Pay up

Today, I got a bill for $62.70 because my company gave my last work car to some idiot who doesn't like to pay the toll road fees. They never took me off the registration. FML

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1584

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By LustyDragon

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2878

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1201

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By Bece420 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I decided to try a 7-minute exercise video to start working out and get in shape. I couldn’t make it though the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

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446

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By spaaaarta

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

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8663

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12408

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By wow babe - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

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38899

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5562

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By moronicmoroccan - Philippines

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18462

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2558

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By Boned...hard - France

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26441

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3600

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34568

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10716

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By Giggity - United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

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34283

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6500

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By Anonymous

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26991

You deserved it

2866

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By ssjin93 - United States

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

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28166

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2391

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By Name - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

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8553

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By - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

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38560

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4340

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By internetadvice - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

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70296

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8949

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By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28438

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5181

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By Seabiscuit - United States

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15459

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

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3017

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By Ramb0 - United Kingdom - Christchurch

By singing

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

741

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2051

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22822

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By fml_for_real - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38177

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6883

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By unluckymiss - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29510

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4332

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By Kayla - United States - Mesa

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

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26683

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3197

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

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48502

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11694

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By K.. - 28/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Put your foot down

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

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1251

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129

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By birthday blues - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

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11527

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903

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By california - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65367

You deserved it

17754

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By tcm123 - United States - Champaign

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25340

You deserved it

1608

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By anonymous - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36513

You deserved it

2959

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By rhcp007 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3312

You deserved it

279

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By seriously? - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30446

You deserved it

7562

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By Madeline Lee - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32511

You deserved it

2990

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By Marie - 11/6/2020 17:12

Reverse psychology

Today, while trying to get my picky daughter to eat her dinner, I pretended to take some of her food and give it to her brother, thinking that would get her to eat it. Instead, she thanked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1017

You deserved it

712

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By JD. - 13/4/2021 00:30

Choking over here

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

685

You deserved it

227

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

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25186

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Top comments

By talaswolf | 20

#7534379 - Sunday 27 August 2017 4:56

How are you still alive!? That is horrible and I wish you a fast recovery! I know how it is to have pneumonia.

By somedudesomewher | 29

#7534391 - Sunday 27 August 2017 6:24

Well, I guess this site is turning into Fuck AkaiKitsune's Life after all.

COMMENTS

By talaswolf | 20

#7534379 - Sunday 27 August 2017 4:56

How are you still alive!? That is horrible and I wish you a fast recovery! I know how it is to have pneumonia.

By somedudesomewher | 29

#7534391 - Sunday 27 August 2017 6:24

Well, I guess this site is turning into Fuck AkaiKitsune's Life after all.

By mustang19898 | 16

#7534392 - Sunday 27 August 2017 6:25

I did something similar once. I came down with strep, the flu, and bronchitis all at once. Fever topped out at 104.5 F. It was awful! Hope you feel better soon!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7534401 - Sunday 27 August 2017 7:40

Like my mom always says, "because you played too much video games!"

By rety1 | 13

#7534404 - Sunday 27 August 2017 8:05

forget just vitamin C, you need someone to get you the whole vitamin alphabet.

By Neevster | 18

#7534405 - Sunday 27 August 2017 8:08

That's too bad. Was it caused by chasing your horse that wouldn't let go of a squeaky toy?

By greeniegenius | 14

#7534415 - Sunday 27 August 2017 9:14

Be sure to get the vax to pneumonia if you don't want FYL too
OP I do feel sorry for you

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7534427 - Sunday 27 August 2017 9:48

I bet your horse did it.

By chosha_fml | 25

#7534487 - Sunday 27 August 2017 15:46

How does anyone even notice a common cold when they have pneumonia?

By Allie614032 | 34

#7534542 - Sunday 27 August 2017 20:04

Dude... you could literally die. I hope you get better soon!