Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML
Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
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Top comments
vacantdreamer 0
Congrats. Your man admits to being a pig.
CallMeHush 1
OK , so to test that out I just sent the same text to my wife. Her reply; WTF?
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Comments (94)
vacantdreamer 0
Inform him that since receiving his text, his penis now reminds you of Babe, and since *********** is illegal.....
Monikabug 9
Again, what men think is sexy and what a woman thinks is sexy is so different.
wrestlerbeast 0
agreed. but why is that?
vacantdreamer 0
I'm not so sure this is a case of what's sexy and what isn't. I think this is more a case of maturity, something this guy is seriously lacking.
alicia_was_here 3
TOUCH MY PORK!
wrestlerbeast 0
ok;) hard or soft haha I can grill it and even add some whipped cream;)
alicia_was_here 3
whipped cream and pork? yum.
wrestlerbeast 0
I know u should try it some time
hmmmummhmmm 0
ha ha! that is so nasty! my husband calls it that too...his own special, whipped cream
hmmmummhmmm 0
and only I hold that 1 secret ingredient needed to "produce" it.
wrestlerbeast 0
*awkward silence* ummm it's gonna be funny when ur kids say mommy can I have some whipped cream with this pork then you'll be like flashback!!!
alicia_was_here 3
i like apple sauce with my pork.
wrestlerbeast 0
that's hot;)
wrestlerbeast 0
send me a message alicia
alicia_was_here 3
lol i dont work that way. im old fashioned. and i have a boyfriend(: he likes pork and applesauce too ;)
cooldannyboy 0
OP, have you ever consider that maybe he was in a silly playful mood?
Claay_aiir 0
haha wow.. umm tastey? :S
aardvarkish 17
touch my monkey may have been funnier, for those who remember "Sprockets"
sabatical 0
that's just not kosher now is it?!
KurouTenshi 0
got my drunk text on I'll regret it in the mornin' but tonight I don't give a I don't give a I don't give
Monikabug 9
tea-teach me how to jerk. :)
demoon_fml 7
I will. But what is in it for me? lol
Monikabug 9
I will pay you with gum. But not Trident Layers.. Bubblicious. Do we have a deal? :)
PsychoShark 0
YDI for not touching it in the first place.
ClouDn9n 0
hahahahaha