Parents of the year

Today, I got to experience the rare pleasure of overhearing my divorcing parents admit that neither of them want full custody of me, or even shared custody, and then planning to guilt one of my grandparents into accepting custody instead. God I hate them both. FML

For the kids

Today, I overheard my parents discussing their divorce. Apparently, what they mostly disagree over is that neither of them want custody of me and are considering delaying their divorce until I’m 18, because at least then legally I’m not either of their problem to deal with. FML

Unstable

Today, I won my custody battle. I wish I could be happy about it, but it strained my current marriage so badly that now I'm going through my second divorce. FML

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

The Unmatchmaker

Today, my parents found out that I separately convinced them not to get back together, and now they're not speaking to me. FML