Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML
Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML
Today, my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if I wanted a therapist. I said that I didn't know. Then my mom said, "But wait, it's going to cost a lot of money!" FML
Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML
Today, I went to see a certified trauma specialist for my PTSD. I saw her for 35 minutes of my hour-long session because she ran late with the patient before me, and then kicked me out early. Her expert treatment plan? "Just don't think about it." I paid $260 for that. FML
Today, my therapist told me she can’t see me by herself anymore because frankly I have so many problems, I need separate therapists, each with their own specialties, to work together on me as a team. I didn’t think it was that bad. FML
Today, I've been seeing a therapist after more than 20 years of struggles. I think I saw him cry during our sessions a few times. I guess that my inability to live my life at the fullest was hard earned. FML
Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML
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Top comments
Webslinger66 10
You are beautiful. No matter what they say!! You now owe me $50
ALlamaOnFire 20
Ditch that bitch.
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Comments (138)
dominic1221 6
You might try my therapist, he's much cheaper, goes by the name Mr B. Torrent.
Meowingtons500 18
I'm a genie in a bottle, Gotta rub me the right way
arielzbkny 0
*love me the right way
desireev 18
74- Huh? No. It's 'ya gotta rub me the right way.'. Genie+Lamp= Rub the lamp for the genie to come out. I know the song is "Genie in a Bottle", but, I assure you, it's 'ya gotta rub me the right way'.
Meowingtons500 18
Hahahaha 74, don't even try to tell me I'm wrong. When it comes to Xtina, this kid knows her shit. :)
nublets 12
Meowingtons!! Why are you away from the deadmau5!?
Meowingtons500 18
98- Bout' time someone catches the reference. :D
daxxbuttons 12
*slips on reading glasses and clears throat* Here's what the lyrics are, according to Google's first result. I feel like I've been locked up tight For a century of lonely nights; Waiting for someone To release me. You're licking your lips and blowing kisses my way, But that don't mean I'm gonna give it away; Baby, baby, baby. (Baby, baby, baby.) Oh, My body's saying let's go. Oh, But my heart is saying no. If you want to be with me, baby, there's a price to pay. I'm a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way. If you want to be with me, I can make your wish come true. You gotta make a big impression (oh yeah), gotta like what you do. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby. Gotta rub me the right way, honey. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby, Come, come, come on and let me out. The music's playing and the lights' down low, One more dance and then we're good to go; Waiting for someone Who needs me. Hormones racin' at the speed of light, But that don't mean it's gotta be tonight; Baby, baby, baby. (Baby, baby, baby) Oh, My body's saying let's go. Oh, But my heart is saying no. If you want to be with me, baby, there's a price to pay. I'm a genie in a bottle, (I'm a genie in a bottle) you gotta rub me the right way. If you want to be with me, (ooh) I can make your wish come true. Come and set me free, baby, and I'll be with you. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby. Gotta rub me the right way, honey. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby, Come, come, come on and let me out. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby. Gotta rub me (if you want to be with me) the right way, honey. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby, Come, come, come on and let me out. Oh, My body's saying let's go. Oh, But my heart is saying no. If you want to be with me, baby, there's a price you pay. I'm a genie in a bottle (I'm a genie in a bottle) you gotta rub me the right way. If you want to be with me, I can make your wish come true. You gotta make a big impression, gotta like what you do. If you want to be with me, baby, there's a price you pay. I'm a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way. If you want to be with me, I can make your wish come true. Come and set me free, baby, and I'll be with you. Sorry, Xtina-fanatic.
nublets 12
103- its because i love the mau5!
itzNaynay 0
Whats so bad about that? Now whenever you hear that song you'll instantly feel better about yourself.
erockinthesuburb 17
Can't imagine her advice would be any good... She can't even remember the lyrics to the national anthem.
Solid_Hippo 4
Atleast her lyrics are good for ome thing. Still cheaper then concert tickets.
StarEatingDemon 9
Does she tell you 'like your oldest friend just trust the voice within?"
br0ccoli 15
Look up the lyrics to "soar" by Christina Aguilera. You are officially ready to charge for your therapeutic words of wisdom. Kidding aside - OP, as long as you were inspired, I think it was worth it. therapists are people too and need inspiring words from somewhere.
zebralover23 14
To are beautiful no matter what they say! Lol, I would I back in there and get my money back.
KiddNYC1O 22
Slow...down...
THExistentialist 13
you look like every single scene wannabe, no matter what they say! at least if you can't type, you can highlight your extensions away! feel so pretty with your camera phone at the end of every day, so when Facebook gets word your friends can click "like"!
sicnesses 6
Christina can help with ANY problem!! :D No but that is pretty irresponsible of your therapist
Clamcreepy 7
Go back to her office with a 12 gauge shotgun bust open the door and say "bitch where's my ******* money?!"