Kids: Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked...

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 496

You deserved it 16 141

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Same thing different taste

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 571

You deserved it 12 185

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 17:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 1 694

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 878

You deserved it 19 309

By no - 17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 648

You deserved it 4 007

By anonymous - 26/01/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 221

You deserved it 5 655

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 7 539

By f_n_fail - 06/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 206

You deserved it 730

Unfortunate coincidences

By FBI1236 - 07/07/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 230

Dat ass

By brandonborgie - 10/08/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 23:33 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 203

You deserved it 6 048

StopDropNRoll 11

Tuesday 2 August 2011 11:56

Sounds like a great conversation starter!

iknowimawesome 13

Tuesday 2 August 2011 12:06

"He did the same to me."- OP's wife.

Comments

coltsrock37 15

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:29

He was trying to show who's boss.

anencephalic 14

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:32

Why would you spank him to begin with? What awful parenting.

Shafreeka 8

Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:42

131 - do you have kids?

lifecontroller 2

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:55

Why the hell would you ever hit your child?!?! YDI

briannac1 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:56

And just what did the boss say?

DawnMarie11 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:58

Spanking is NOT abuse!!

steveakafranxy 7

Wednesday 3 August 2011 2:54

"Whoops. 5 o-clock. Time fo' yo' beatin'"

bonyek 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:19

Kids say the darnest things!!! Haha

linlyte 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:40

LOL

51081998 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:00

I did that when I was younger i dint get spanked then

RuCheezBurger 10

Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:03

After he said "made me take the punishment in the butt" you should've been like, "WHAT WHAT IN THE BUTT"

mdizzl 6

Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:12

hahaha don't you just love kids? haha

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The Top

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 141

You deserved it 5 865

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 541

You deserved it 177

Today, I went on a blind date at a coffee shop. I walked up to who I thought was him, smiled, and said, “Hey! You look even cuter in person!” He looked horrified. It wasn’t my date. My actual date witnessed the whole thing and ghosted me mid-latte. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 268

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 4 548

Today, I was at the gym trying to work up the courage to ask a girl out. She was on the treadmill, and I thought it would be cute to wave hello. Instead, she looked horrified and sped up, then slipped and fell off the treadmill. She thought I was mocking her, and now everyone at the gym hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 435

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 550

You deserved it 288

Same thing different taste

Unfortunate coincidences

Dat ass

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