Intimacy: Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't... - FML

By _The__Doctor_ - 31/12/2012 22:44 - United States - Venice

Spicy

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 3 720

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Same thing different taste

By emmamrose7 - 15/08/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Spicy

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 699

You deserved it 6 060

Not cut out for this

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 02:10

Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 798

You deserved it 1 402

By Anonymous - 04/12/2015 20:36 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 093

You deserved it 2 930

By Fuperman - 02/06/2013 23:14 - France - Illange

Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 674

You deserved it 6 728

Conversational skills

By no_leather_of_any_kind - 07/04/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 513

You deserved it 9 691

By Erica - 08/07/2013 17:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 625

You deserved it 72 513

By loser. - 20/03/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 5 496

By wrongman - 14/02/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 7 694

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 644

You deserved it 9 529

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 22:00

Today, I went scuba diving for the first time. The diver took me down some 3 meters and I started showing the thumbs up. He thought I was excited. My breather wasn't working and I was using the sign he told me to use to go up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 787

You deserved it 768

Next

Top comments

buckdharma 36

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:41

Did you yank the right cord?

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:48

Don't worry that's just turbulence.. Giggity...

Comments

jetsown08 21

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:56

I think the appropriate solution would be to steal the parachute, separate, and watch him plummet to his death. At least, that's what I've learned from the FML community!

PenguinBitch 43

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:58

Or your Jets team.

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:58

You've learned well my young padawan..

jetsown08 21

Tuesday 1 January 2013 8:17

14- Yeah kick us while we're down why don't you :(

spekledworf 18

Tuesday 1 January 2013 17:14

Yeah that guy will plummet faster than Sanchez's QB rating

Brett41 10

Wednesday 2 January 2013 7:19

A guy with no parachut will fall faster than.. than jets..with no fuel left.. that were hijacked.. uhh.. the NY jets suck, okay?

buckdharma 36

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:00

When you landed, did your feet touch the ground?

PenguinBitch 43

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:03

Did he say strap in or strap on? ;)

DocBastard 38

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:15

At least he can't say he went down on you. Oh wait, yes he can.

PrincessPesa 20

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:34

That all depends on the landing position.

Cartera 10

Tuesday 1 January 2013 9:33

Wouldn't it be down with you?

Kidkaplan 19

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:20

Thats y u have a spare parachute on the plane

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:26

I'm guessing Op is new to this activity and needed a little help.. Plus I don't think she had much of a choice...

CharresBarkrey 15

Tuesday 1 January 2013 8:25

You can't skydive alone without being certified, which takes a few tandem jumps to acquire. I doubt OP is certified.

chrissy2 28

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:33

Probably wanted to make you even more nervous haha.

PrincessPesa 20

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:37

That lame pickup attempt crashed long before OP and sexual harassment sky man even landed... Don't you just hate being stuck next to a creep on a flight?

Fmlsea 28

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:42

That would of been an awkward ride down , hopefully that didn't take away from your skydiving experience too much!!

jessi_sunshine 26

Tuesday 1 January 2013 7:11

*would have

twiztedone 19

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:43

I don't think that's how he wanted you to go down!

Eivana 37

Tuesday 1 January 2013 6:55

Oh shit! Pull the cord! Pull the cord!

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Keywords

Awkward Embarrassing Love Public freakouts Family Weddings AITA Bodyshaming Cops Cars Transportation Sexism Kids Relatable Work Health Growing old Mental health Animals Cats Periods Job interview Education Social Media Stalker Instagram Phobias Spiders Ironic Ecology

The Top

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 413

You deserved it 2 826

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 837

You deserved it 30 762

The Top

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 375

You deserved it 13 027

Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 177

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 054

You deserved it 3 448

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 194

You deserved it 10 963

Today, my girlfriend has cats that live in my garage because I'm so horribly allergic to them. She went in the garage a while ago with power tools to do something simple. There has been a fair bit of noise and commotion in there. Part of me is happy that my girlfriend is trying to be handy, but I'm mostly worried about what could be going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 291

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their new Mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiping a minivan, I decided to walk the last mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 179