Miscellaneous: Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying...

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Broke

Don't do favors for strangers

By GDBeast - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

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By CrappyDay - United States

Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By wellgreat - United States

Today, I was in the Student Union when a man a came up to me and asked if I wanted to be in a study to see how men acted differently when working with attractive women. Flattered and taken aback, I agreed. He then told me I would be part of the control group to see how they act around plain looking women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2021 03:00 - Philippines - Manila

Can't win

Today, my mom told me to stop using my phone and talk to them, but whenever I do that, they just end up yelling at me and telling me to go to my room. FML

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793

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 08:01

Cujo, but for cats

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

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By Dan

John Tucker would've known what to do.

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

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By lol112 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

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By diplomaless - United States

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61376

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By Sica - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

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By Nick - Australia - Sydney

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Grimmy - United States - Brunswick

Crack wars

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By hungry - Canada - Halifax

Parenting gone feral

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1313

You deserved it

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By nazooer - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43457

You deserved it

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By knicksfan - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97789

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By ajodasdojsad - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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31907

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By tried to help

Stranger Danger!

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1860

You deserved it

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By nerdygirl101 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

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31568

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By PizzaNIF - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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14685

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By iwantpizza69 - United States

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33713

You deserved it

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By klala - Reserved

Today, my boss asked me if I could work on Valentine's Day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML

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37079

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By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33296

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By Anonymous - United States - Wittenberg

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22045

You deserved it

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By Mrs. Ned - United States - Incline Village

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28721

You deserved it

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By PJ - United States

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16473

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By UGH - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18109

You deserved it

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By wnrz - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49738

You deserved it

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By FellingShitty - United States

Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34405

You deserved it

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By kellyem2

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20673

You deserved it

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By dontask

Today I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1021

You deserved it

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By BlackCheetah101 - Australia

Reverse Uno card

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43343

You deserved it

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33477

You deserved it

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By anon13 - United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21510

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30913

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36249

You deserved it

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By comics over coatis

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6241

You deserved it

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By SummerJob

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

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22952

You deserved it

4753

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Top comments

By TacticalBacon | 10

#6513097 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:15

At least someone is getting some pussy tonight...

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#6513105 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:17

To be honest, I get upset when my cat sits on my boyfriend's lap instead of mine too. It's like being rejected by your child.

COMMENTS

By annoyedperson | 25

#6513085 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:08

Being pregnant is a difficult situation especially with the crazy hormones

By coolhandmartin | 15

#6513093 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:12

Yeah... That sucks... Sorry op

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6513342 - Monday 18 January 2016 4:20

So insightful.

By abbyade | 21

#6513094 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:14

I don't know why I found this funny. Sorry OP. Pregnancy hormonal stories are cute and funny

By TacticalBacon | 10

#6513097 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:15

At least someone is getting some pussy tonight...

By PiggSnaps | 11

#6513098 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:15

Maybe you smell really 'fishy' because your expecting and your cat is like Garfield... You know, hates fish but loves lasagna....Food for thought....

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6513104 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:17

That betrayal though.

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#6513105 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:17

To be honest, I get upset when my cat sits on my boyfriend's lap instead of mine too. It's like being rejected by your child.

Vitani_Verci | 24

#6513425 - Monday 18 January 2016 5:44

The fact that your icon is a cat makes this comment so much better...

oathkeeper99 | 31

#6514046 - Monday 18 January 2016 23:15

That just so happens to be the very cat that prefers my boyfriend's lap to mine!

By Symphoniaes | 32

#6513106 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:18

I am pregnant also and I can confirm this... I cry so many times a day over silly things, and then I cry over the fact that I'm crying do often. ._.

okaydisarray | 17

#6513389 - Monday 18 January 2016 5:03

Seriously. When I was pregnant I cried because my husband made me a ham sandwich...

By ghetto_child | 19

#6513125 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:28

Dear crazy ass hormones, F*** you!!!

By MrScootyPuffSr | 16

#6513139 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:38

That bastard! Doesn't matter which one, I'm just pissed with you! You're not alone!