Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying...

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

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Miscellaneous

Lockdown is driving us down

Out of the frying pan

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By cman - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

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29993

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By fail - United States

Today, I worked a car wash as a fundraiser. Being nice I figured I'd bring my car, get it washed, and donate some money. When it was my car's turn to be washed, everyone was conveniently busy washing other cars. My car was in front and needed to be washed and moved. I paid $10 to wash my own car. FML

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47558

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By Carowl

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24129

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2882

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By Stressed Mother - United States - Piscataway

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37883

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By andimanastudent - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

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10423

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By sal - 27/9/2020 05:02 - Canada

Unloveable

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

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985

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249

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By opposableouch - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32878

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By Gracie

Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1796

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265

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By zero_minded12 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33766

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By JAY22 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

223389

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By failfailfail - United Kingdom

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10954

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14491

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53382

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By Anna - United States

User review

Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's Facebook wall. Apparently, I give awful blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43012

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11644

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By Anonymous - United States - Thibodaux

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15058

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1586

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By AwkwardPotato - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43809

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3737

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By mandm - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39166

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4921

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By Baldy - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48482

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4748

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By msnewyearseve - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12823

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By moopymoplady - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

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29196

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5605

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By rrefaat - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I thought our CEO had clearly stated that I will only be focusing on my job, and all other stuff will not be my problem. Apparently, I was wrong, because I still get blamed for all the other departments' mistakes, even though I don't manage them. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1653

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33040

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19706

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46666

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By Username

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35023

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By -_- - United States - Amherst

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

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31379

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By StockedWithJuice - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

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49661

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By Ishowet - United States - Hialeah

Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML

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2878

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440

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By it's called an accelerator, grandma, get your ass in gear - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had my first driving test. The instructor turned out to be the kind of twit who made me do the full 60-minute test, only to tell me afterwards that he was failing me for the only mistake I made less than 2 minutes after the test started. Time wasting tit. FML

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19142

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By anon - United States - Irwin

Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I don't have a mother who cares about me. She is my mother. FML

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36115

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16291

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

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38780

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4095

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By Anonymous

Today, someone misread some details of my dating profile on an app and thought I was subtly indicating that I'm a prostitute. In fact, I'm a shy 33-year-old virgin who's never been kissed and has obviously been failing at using dating apps and websites for years. I guess now I know one thing I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1790

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225

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By Deanna

Rumble in the night

Today, I spent the night with in a hotel with my boyfriend's parents, because I went with them to visit him in Atlanta. This morning when I woke up, the first thing they said to me was, "Wow, you're a small girl but you snore like a man." FML

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1444

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

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22265

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By Q - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60327

You deserved it

5317

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By hellishome

Dad priorities

Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2172

You deserved it

161

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By blah - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20481

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3482

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By psychicmother - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32412

You deserved it

4817

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By mael - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44408

You deserved it

10340

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By bubblezzz123 - United States

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45278

You deserved it

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By briscoe - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML

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24924

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Top comments

By TacticalBacon | 10

#6513097 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:15

At least someone is getting some pussy tonight...

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#6513105 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:17

To be honest, I get upset when my cat sits on my boyfriend's lap instead of mine too. It's like being rejected by your child.

COMMENTS

By annoyedperson | 25

#6513085 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:08

Being pregnant is a difficult situation especially with the crazy hormones

By coolhandmartin | 15

#6513093 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:12

Yeah... That sucks... Sorry op

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6513342 - Monday 18 January 2016 4:20

So insightful.

By abbyade | 21

#6513094 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:14

I don't know why I found this funny. Sorry OP. Pregnancy hormonal stories are cute and funny

By TacticalBacon | 10

#6513097 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:15

At least someone is getting some pussy tonight...

By PiggSnaps | 11

#6513098 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:15

Maybe you smell really 'fishy' because your expecting and your cat is like Garfield... You know, hates fish but loves lasagna....Food for thought....

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6513104 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:17

That betrayal though.

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#6513105 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:17

To be honest, I get upset when my cat sits on my boyfriend's lap instead of mine too. It's like being rejected by your child.

Vitani_Verci | 24

#6513425 - Monday 18 January 2016 5:44

The fact that your icon is a cat makes this comment so much better...

oathkeeper99 | 31

#6514046 - Monday 18 January 2016 23:15

That just so happens to be the very cat that prefers my boyfriend's lap to mine!

By Symphoniaes | 32

#6513106 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:18

I am pregnant also and I can confirm this... I cry so many times a day over silly things, and then I cry over the fact that I'm crying do often. ._.

okaydisarray | 17

#6513389 - Monday 18 January 2016 5:03

Seriously. When I was pregnant I cried because my husband made me a ham sandwich...

By ghetto_child | 19

#6513125 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:28

Dear crazy ass hormones, F*** you!!!

By MrScootyPuffSr | 16

#6513139 - Monday 18 January 2016 0:38

That bastard! Doesn't matter which one, I'm just pissed with you! You're not alone!