Intimacy: Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's... - FML

By coldwetnose - 09/05/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 251

You deserved it 18 917

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 478

You deserved it 4 856

Manchild

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 304

So hot

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 886

You deserved it 6 068

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 402

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 274

You deserved it 3 616

Gettin' some

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 515

You deserved it 46 435

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 309

You deserved it 4 658

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Spicy

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 6 839

You tried

By Loveless - 10/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 185

You deserved it 5 711

By fetch boy.. - 05/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 540

You deserved it 18 332

Next

Top comments

MilanKing 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:01

you're lucky it was only his nose.

Fish_999 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:01

haha u enjoyed it really!

Comments

victorianrider 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:13

I can only assume you greeted him back. If not the prepare for some territorial wars. lol jk, I bet this will get thumbed down because no one here tolerates any kind of humor

Tylerdre 6

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:01

hey you were right haha they have no humour!

Mrnason26 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:18

was it cold lol it must of made u jump

zniltiaC 19

Monday 9 May 2011 16:23

Cause your ass be smelly. Haha.

dcard4117 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:28

pretty lady but is everyone from Australia

jessecax 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:39

consider yourself lucky! at least it didn't mount you. awkward situation to explain if your boyfriend woke up and saw!

michael256341859 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 16:19

call me2563418590

cryoterra 1

Monday 9 May 2011 16:41

He was just getting to know you better :)

ringogrey 4

Monday 9 May 2011 16:45

any chance of a video of this event?

CallMeHush 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:50

Was his nose cold?

tbrizzy 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:50

bad dog

xTreason 0

Monday 9 May 2011 17:00

he was just saying Goodmorning :p

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 1 396

Today, I went out with a group of friends. I hadn't gone out in a few months since my fiancé left me. They promised me there wouldn't be drinking and would just be video game stuff. By 10pm, everyone was wasted, I got thrown up on and I had to walk home fifteen blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 148

You deserved it 5 490

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad had been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 314

You deserved it 62 773

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 472

Today, at the store, I went to the self checkout then dumbly tried to activate the touchscreen, without touching it. I stood there wondering why it wasn't turning on before realizing I hadn't touched the thing to turn it on, like I was going to get shocked by the screen or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 232

Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 959

You deserved it 2 151