Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. Out of natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML
Today, I was having a romantic dinner at home with my girlfriend. Everything was perfect—candles, wine, the whole shebang. As we sat down, I felt something moving under the table. I thought it was her playing footsie. Nope, it was our cat with a very live, very tetchy mouse he'd just caught. Cue the screaming and wine spilling everywhere. FML
Today, after I'd saved a baby mouse and was filming a YouTube series of me taking care of it, my boyfriend told me he found a “rat” in the kitchen, but not to worry he killed it and fed it to the cat. He killed my baby mouse, and now he’s mad I didn’t praise him for his brilliant extermination job. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML
Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally moved in with me, after being long distance for months. Our apartment just became infested with mice. FML
Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
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Top comments
therealslim 15
I wouldn't particularly like a mouse running over to my food and eating it either
RachelBerry_fml 5
Well the mouse shouldn't be on the table..
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Comments (130)
reform2diosa 1
when i just read the first sentence i took it literally....
nicospec 1
So did you punish the mouse by eating it?
kwoky 9
Why do you have a mouse on your dinner table?!? That's a little bit dirty...
oksowhat 0
The mental images my brain produced before I finished this FML will never leave me. Ever.
annihil8or 15
How is this an fml
enz_fml 0
dont tell him this will be a huge ego breaker
skyeyez9 25
A domestic mouse is not dirty. Wild ones carry disease not the pet store ones. Yes it may poop on the table, but it is the size of a rice grain if that. As long as you promptly clean it and not pop them in your mouth and pretend it is a chocolate tic tac, you will be fine.
tothecorps 0
Having a mouse on the table is really nasty. Anyone who loves their mouse that much should eat alone.
XxDancerGirlxX 17
My friend's ferret has free reign all over the house. That little bastard pops up everywhere and always manages to scare the shit out of me.
quirrus 9
well if he could scream like a girl, doesn't that mean that anyone could scream like a girl?