Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded, "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded, "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML
Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, I'd organized a small dinner with immediate family for my birthday. I’ve since received texts from every one of them, cancelling due to varying reasons. My parents excuse is the funniest - they went out last night for a coworker’s party, and don’t want to go out again tonight. For me. Their child. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML
Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friend's house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML
Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML
Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint birthday party with her dog, because it would be the dog's "Big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML
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Top comments
amirn86 0
At least he didn't object to the party!
ohhboyy 0
I love how parents are so straight up to their kids
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Comments (82)
KWild 0
your dad is awesome
_Annonymous_ 0
that sounds like something my dad would say
Lingonberry668 0
what's a keg party???
lextrack234 4
well then you should throw an awesome party and show him that you do have tons of friends.. unless you seriously don't have friends then I suggest getting some
youngsofly 13
Well, he's right, no fun partying alone, eh?
NIRVANA1990s 1
troll dad
Drosophila82 18
I hope by now you have him a few scares and a run for his money!
dandrewking 6
What's a keg party?
Emma Marshall_738558922 12
He's right. I've never had one 😭😂