Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight....

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 928

You deserved it 8 708

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Caught in 4K

By its_all_legit - 19/03/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 461

You deserved it 127 812

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 22:38 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 435

You deserved it 3 312

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 786

You deserved it 34 535

Carded B.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 12:00

Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 327

You deserved it 186

By srs - 11/08/2018 20:30

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 072

You deserved it 506

Thanks everyone

By HappyBirthdayToMe - 10/04/2023 11:00 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I'd organized a small dinner with immediate family for my birthday. I’ve since received texts from every one of them, cancelling due to varying reasons. My parents excuse is the funniest - they went out last night for a coworker’s party, and don’t want to go out again tonight. For me. Their child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 107

Supportive

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 808

You deserved it 2 930

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 12:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 359

You deserved it 3 519

Bully

By ninjawhat1337 - 25/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friend's house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 676

You deserved it 57 239

By dog_day - 19/12/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint birthday party with her dog, because it would be the dog's "Big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 2 699

amirn86 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:26

At least he didn't object to the party!

ohhboyy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

I love how parents are so straight up to their kids

Comments

Kyzomo 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 3:42

lmao, just throw the party then to prove him wrong n cuz he didnt say no!

Ifeelurpain87 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 4:47

wow... you should have thrown a party.. i would have went!

Serial 2

Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:36

you should of threw a party and invited your dads friends

BaghdadAssUp 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:44

She's not throwing a party at all, that's why she's on FML.

kwbuzz23wk 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:58

when i read this i see the FML as "My dad is right, i have no friends" in comparison to the "my dad is funny" way everyone else is seeing it...

kwbuzz23wk 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 6:14

P.S. get more friends

LAphunky 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 6:47

He doesn't know people, does he? If you plop a keg, kids will come. Even if the host has no friends.

kg8_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 7:20

no wonder your dad said that. who says keg party?

Toxic_John 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 15:16

#2 even if he did throw a party wat good would it be provin da parents wrong wen they can still ground him fo life (or until 18)

Krazii99 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:43

LMAO i feel sorry 4 u but dat is F-U-N-N-Y

Keywords

Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Embarrassing Ironic Animals Phobias Drunk AITA Work Facebook Geek Mysterious Weird Video games Gamers Health Gross Smells First Dates Parents Technology Kids Annoying Friends Crush Awkward Jealousy

The Top

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 367

Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 660

The Top

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 109

You deserved it 9 822

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 372

Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 400

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 497

Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 322

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 486

You deserved it 2 916