Today, I set an alarm to wake up for a football match. I woke...

By Avdhut Joshi - 11/5/2019 23:30 - India - Thane

Today, I set an alarm to wake up for a football match. I woke up after it finished. Turns out, I set my alarm to 12:15 p.m. instead of a.m. I ended up missing one of my team's best performances. FML

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Family values

The student becomes the master

Child labor

By rookiemistake - 27/4/2015 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

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By kdmoney - 23/9/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, my mother said I am slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution: buying me a vibrator. FML

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By Wrongdoor - 6/12/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

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By wtf - 3/2/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

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By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

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By work -_- - 22/4/2013 13:22 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 14:33

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

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By Nikki - 30/5/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

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By TuT - 19/9/2014 17:58 - France

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

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By Hipnog - 7/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

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By unhappystudent - 14/12/2016 12:32 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2013 22:24 - Egypt

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

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By mcase - 31/7/2012 05:36 - United States - Compton

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

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By spitballer1 - 6/7/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

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By littlegirl - 7/5/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By cat lady - 7/1/2016 03:38 - United States - Netcong

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

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By Hum - 2/7/2011 21:50 - Switzerland

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

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By ameliaruth09 - 22/1/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 05:03

That he's a dumbass?

Today, I was told by my boyfriend of 12 years that he wants to break up. He wants to be free to follow his "MGTOW beliefs." I had to look up what it meant. What am I supposed to tell our 2 little boys? FML

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By Not Gay - 9/6/2015 03:04 - United States - Williamston

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

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By legit - 2/3/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

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By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

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By Mack - 31/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

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By Dopamin3 - 20/3/2019 12:00

Today, driving to a conference 2 hours away a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

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By jasonnn - 30/3/2012 05:00 - Australia

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

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By fed up - 23/8/2018 23:30

Today, I bought a different car because I was having to constantly repair my old one. On the way home from the dealer, the check engine light came on. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2016 15:23 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML

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By - 22/12/2019 18:00

Travel gift

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

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By BOO! - 25/5/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

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By MommaAnnie - 2/5/2013 15:59 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

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By gr8 - 28/9/2018 17:30

Today, because I had to leave the country without notice and didn't have reception to notify my college, I have been irreversibly dropped from all my classes without a refund and will have to reapply for January. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2014 15:43 - India - Mumbai

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

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By StupidSecurityConsultant - 25/7/2019 18:00

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

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By Jedi2500 - 15/2/2012 23:53 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 17:34

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

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By dedeanne08 - 12/12/2016 01:18 - United States - Newark

Today, I received some new snow boots I had ordered online. When I opened the package there was only one boot in the box. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7802082 - Saturday 11 May 2019 20:15

Good thing you weren’t there to screw it up.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7802150 - Sunday 12 May 2019 2:52

The event was likely on tv, taking place in another country. I feel like people are insane for not understanding any of this.

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7802080 - Saturday 11 May 2019 20:07

12:15 am is midnight, 12:15 pm is mid afternoon, so was the event in the middle of the night or were you trying to get there 10 hours early? Do you normally wake up after noon?

PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7802147 - Sunday 12 May 2019 2:48

They meant to set it for AM. They wake up before noon. They set their alarm wrong.

PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7802150 - Sunday 12 May 2019 2:52

The event was likely on tv, taking place in another country. I feel like people are insane for not understanding any of this.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7802082 - Saturday 11 May 2019 20:15

Good thing you weren’t there to screw it up.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7802102 - Saturday 11 May 2019 22:16

But getting plenty of rest is a good thing! Your body will thank you later. :-)

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7802139 - Sunday 12 May 2019 1:44

Was it a match that was being broadcast from another country, or do you and a load of your friends play night football?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7802146 - Sunday 12 May 2019 2:36

How did you accidentally sleep in 12 hours??

PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7802148 - Sunday 12 May 2019 2:50

They didn't. Their alarm didn't wake them up! Come on people! It's not that hard. They probably went to sleep at like 9 pm and woke up at 4 am.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7802149 - Sunday 12 May 2019 2:51

My android phone said "alarm set for X hours Y minutes". It prevented this mistake. I moved to iPhone and now I get anxiety sometimes that I will set my alarm incorrectly.

By STFU01 | 14

#7802156 - Sunday 12 May 2019 3:57

Set the DVR the next time so you can watch later...

By Nhayaa | 20

#7802169 - Sunday 12 May 2019 6:11

That never happens with the 24h system. But I never hear my alarm clocks so I guess it doesn't really matter wether I set them up at the right time or not...

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#7802170 - Sunday 12 May 2019 7:14

Definitely not American football.

By Phil | 14

#7802669 - Monday 13 May 2019 22:24

Get an analog clock, then you won't have that problem lol.