Miscellaneous: Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'.... - FML

By bobjope - 28/02/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 216

You deserved it 2 742

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 85

Spirits, awake!

By liza - 29/03/2021 16:59

Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 210

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 487

You deserved it 2 883

Drunken ramblings

By VHgolf1989 - 30/03/2022 12:00

Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 674

You deserved it 7 551

By Noname - 06/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 619

You deserved it 18 546

A promise is a promise

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 04:01

Today, my mom went to my dad's funeral as the Grim Reaper. Apparently, because they were both massive Terry Pratchett fans, they'd agreed whoever outlived the other had to go to the funeral as Death. No one else found it funny and more than a few swore to never speak to her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 171

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 682

You deserved it 6 200

Are you kidding me?

By The nice guy finishing Last - 27/03/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 161

You deserved it 231

By Bechara - 13/06/2011 09:11 - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend, "Actually, it's a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 549

You deserved it 4 513

Next

Top comments

benikora 8

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:33

Well if you learnt necromancy you wouldn't have to commit necrophillia

Voij 16

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:32

And what makes "necromancy" all that much more appropriate to discuss than "necrophilia"? If anything, only one of them can actually occur outside of fiction. Sooo...

Comments

joshi42 16

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:40

So, you think raising dead is more appropriate then ******* them?

DieSowjet 4

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:51

well obviously.

False_Stupidity 41

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:56

Either way, you get a raise.

LeBandit 20

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:56

for both to happen one must "raise" something

sousaphonist 14

Saturday 28 February 2015 20:05

...why did she wasn't too talk about necromancy in the first place?

abbylouise_x3 7

Saturday 28 February 2015 20:13

When playing Skyrim I hope we're practicing necromancy & not being necrophiliacs. That wouldn't be too pretty.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Saturday 28 February 2015 21:25

I'm 100% sure they have mods for that.

ProfessorMctitie 20

Saturday 28 February 2015 20:27

The Loving Dead

Izabushel 65

Saturday 28 February 2015 20:27

My husband was telling people his mother was having a corneal transplant when she was actually having a cataract removed. I explained the difference.

glasshouse 4

Saturday 28 February 2015 20:46

so does that you are practicing one or the other lol

feven 32

Saturday 28 February 2015 20:52

OP's Mom: But Jesus did it all the time in the bible! OP: Mom what the ****?!

Gauzy21 12

Saturday 28 February 2015 21:36

Some people conversations go to the weirdest places.

Vestin 18

Saturday 28 February 2015 21:37

There's a difference? I guess that book I've picked up might not be a fantasy novel after all o_o'....

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I began noticing a certain female name popping up on my husband’s social media notifications,so I asked him about it. He got irrationally upset at the fact that I pronounced her name wrong, told me she’s “nobody”, then said, “I hate it when you accuse me of shit!” I didn’t even accuse him of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 74

Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 63

The Top

Today, the cat was screaming for canned food. To save the ears of everyone in the house, I decided to give him what he wanted. When I popped the lid, it squirted stinky cat-food gravy all over my shirt. When I tried to remove the shirt, it all went inside my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 771

You deserved it 1 486

Today, it was my first day of work at a very high end company. While delivering coffee to my boss, I set it down on the edge of a magazine, where it spilled over, into his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 419

You deserved it 7 415

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 307

You deserved it 52 200

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 622

You deserved it 3 982

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 669

You deserved it 30 854

Today, while in bed, my nose became runny. Being as tired as I was, I decided to ignore it until the morning. Turns out it was a nose bleed, and my pillowcase is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 695

You deserved it 28 539