Jumpy

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

Catching strays

Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML

Badass

Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML

Doofus

Today, I tried to make popcorn in the microwave but forgot to remove the plastic wrapper. The kitchen filled with smoke, the fire alarm went off and my neighbors came knocking to see if I was alright. When they asked what caused it, I had to admit that it was “Erm… popcorn.” FML

Nice…

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

Confusing

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

Safe space

Today, I was on a Zoom call with my therapist and we were discussing my PTSD. He assured me that I was safe and no one would burst into the room. Just then, my mom burst into my room and started screaming about dirty dishes. FML

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

Oh no, the fun police is here

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

Private freakout

Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML