Kids: Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps...

By Ow - United Kingdom - Swanscombe

Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML

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Kids

And today, on Dr Phil…

Out of it

So compassionate

By sydcaller618 - United States - Richmond

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

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By Dansonn - United States

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 02:01

Spineless

Today, after weeks of thinking about how to ask my crush out, I finally was ready to message her on Instagram, only to find out that she unfollowed me after watching my last story. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By student101 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Toronto

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 14:31 - Australia - Adelaide

Confused

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML

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By fruitoftheloom - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

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By Tired Girlfriend

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

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By fmlifer - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

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By knevs - United States

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

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By rosanne - 8/4/2021 08:00

Leave me alone

Today, I learned that me wearing a mask will not stop creepy old men from telling me to smile. FML

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By really mom - United States - Montgomery

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

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By Darth Binks - Canada

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

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By shithole - United States

That's tasty

Today, my dad and I found in my house a water filter that has not been changed in over 20 years. We have been drinking that water that has been going through a filter that had more colors than a rainbow on it. FML

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By poisonhand - United States

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

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By Sick - United States

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

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By didn't notice for 2 years - United States - Goodyear

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

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By sexxibxmami - United States

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

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By Knaxer - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

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By Fox_Undercover - United States - Wareham

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

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By Peter C. - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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By Masey - United States

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

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By Bridget

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

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By fmlcops - United States

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

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By Solo coffee

Today, it's my last day of work at my job of 2 and a half years. I organised to have coffee with my coworkers at a cafe. Only I turned up. I had my farewell coffee alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

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By khaelian

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

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By em - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML

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By Foot In Mouth - United States - Bentonville

Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML

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By HLRJ - United States - Concord

Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML

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By toadface - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

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By Lolabunny - United States - Anaheim

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

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By catdog - United States - West Sacramento

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

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Top comments

By tmtsans | 9

#6631649 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:33

This is the moment when a little girl turns into a corpse.

By Siriusproblem | 10

#6631652 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:34

You're in quite a pinch OP. Ok, bad puns aside that sucks for you. I hope you feel better quickly, every man can testify how bad ball pain is.

COMMENTS

By tmtsans | 9

#6631649 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:33

This is the moment when a little girl turns into a corpse.

By Siriusproblem | 10

#6631652 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:34

You're in quite a pinch OP. Ok, bad puns aside that sucks for you. I hope you feel better quickly, every man can testify how bad ball pain is.

By Pindadio | 7

#6631654 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:37

I think you should rub scotch bonnets on her tampons...

Saikon1357 | 25

#6632709 - Tuesday 21 June 2016 0:18

Rub ghost peppers on everything that touches her skin

Noah Stpierre | 7

#7465901 - Tuesday 6 June 2017 1:00

Or ghost pepper oil

By Ayasha_fml | 12

#6631660 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:42

If it kills them completely, and instantly, not cruel. But if it wasn't a humane trap, probably Karma and to try and prevent more offspring from doing the same.

By AbbytheMacaroni | 9

#6631672 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:51

I cringed hard and I don't even have balls.

By Chloe555_fml | 27

#6631673 - Sunday 19 June 2016 16:52

She's not wrong.

DeltaDragonxx | 20

#6631733 - Sunday 19 June 2016 18:15

I can tell you that you would not be saying that if you knew the pain

jake_braves | 25

#6631796 - Sunday 19 June 2016 19:33

Yeah 6, you'd be crying like crazy with that pain. Too bad you can't feel it.

epicgamer | 18

#6631926 - Sunday 19 June 2016 22:20

go die in a hole fucking stupid ass bitch

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6631700 - Sunday 19 June 2016 17:35

If one of those things manages to kill a mouse, put the corpse under her sheets.

By loueasy | 23

#6631719 - Sunday 19 June 2016 18:00

This is why little kids are "falling" into animal pens.

By stretch101 | 14

#6631722 - Sunday 19 June 2016 18:03

Sorry that happened to you OP. Hope you have seen a doctor.

By bornpatriot | 11

#6631787 - Sunday 19 June 2016 19:29

Boy. My balls hurt just by the thought of it.. Your sister probably had little idea of how much it hurts. Be the bigger person and don't get back at her.