Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, I asked my wife to keep our toddler confined while I hung a shelf. Of course, she didn't, and he came in and picked up a screwdriver. I tried to take it away, and he ran off giggling, only to trip and slice his forehead open. According to my wife, this is entirely my fault and she is taking him to her mom's. FML
Today, we went to an amusement park, or tried to. My idiot husband stuck his hand under his shirt like a gun and demanded free passes and "all the cash" as a joke. He's banned for life, they escorted us off the premises, and my children are inconsolable. FML
Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
Honey, I cuffed the kids.
appygirlify 17
That's gonna be a bit of a mess. :/ Good luck op.
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Comments (56)
bad_boyfriend 10
Unless they are child size handcuffs this is BS. I've used handcuffs many times and i've met adult women who can slip out of them at their tightest. No way they tighten down enough to really lock in an 8yo
captainsmegma 12
Hope they were the pink furry kind. Don't want to leave marks on the kiddies.
bluefairy_fml 24
It was the husband who was cuffed, not the kiddies. If it had been the kids, I'm sure 8 year olds can easily fit their hands through the cuffs without even needing to unlock them, since cuffs are made for the much bigger hands of an adult.
aruden 25
#20 I would have to disagree, only people with smaller hands can do that. I've been cuffed hundreds of times. even trying to fold my hand doesn't make it small enough compared to how tight it goes on the wrist
FFDP 5
Like you need a key to unlock them....
ImTheAlpha 30
Wait, was your husband cuffed or the kids?
igg125 30
OP you can use a bobby pin to unlock them. Insert the bobby pin at a 45 degree angle and flick it up you'll get it.
Mooglefox 24
Doesn't he know how to pick a lock?
zeffra13 31
8 year olds can't slip a pair of cuffs? Were they child size?
alexanderavatar 24
if they are toy handcuffs there should be a switch on the side which u press almost like a mini lever should open up
HeadlessSparrow 20
"I've made a huge mistake" - Gob Bluth