Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, I asked my wife to keep our toddler confined while I hung a shelf. Of course, she didn't, and he came in and picked up a screwdriver. I tried to take it away, and he ran off giggling, only to trip and slice his forehead open. According to my wife, this is entirely my fault and she is taking him to her mom's. FML
Today, we went to an amusement park, or tried to. My idiot husband stuck his hand under his shirt like a gun and demanded free passes and "all the cash" as a joke. He's banned for life, they escorted us off the premises, and my children are inconsolable. FML
Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
Honey, I cuffed the kids.
appygirlify 17
That's gonna be a bit of a mess. :/ Good luck op.
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Comments (56)
FutueMeamVitam 24
And now, you have conjoined twins. Congratulations! BTW, that's about the same age I learned to pick my dad's handcuffs while playing with my brother. (He'd been an Army MP.)
nc_1999 6
On the bright side, shopping will be a lot easier now
worldclassrager 41
Use a screwdriver or a file...that's an easy solution to get them undone..you could just get a little plastic or fake metal pair for them to play with next time
allforfun 23
In second grade i handcuffed the babysitter to the couch. We didn't undo the cuffs until a friend and his mom showed up a couple hours later.
seriouslygrowup 11
You can literally Google this and see 3 methods of getting out of those cuffs in a pretty easy way. I wonder what he tried for 4 hours...
xDeadlyBlade99x 9
Well #20, how many times have you escapes from handcuffs...o.O
nandybear 19
If they're cuffed to each other, at least it'll be hard to lose them.
Miss_Whipped 43
Enough times.
awesumous 16
Bad parenting at its finest. Please please please tell me the hand cuffs are from work, as an officer.
kingh786 10
Break the thumb