Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I found the birthday card my grandma had mailed. Apparently, it contained a gift of $100. Too bad it was in my mom's trash can, opened, with no money. She told my grandma it must have gotten lost in the mail. FML
Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML
Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML
Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML
Today, I received a package at work. Thinking it was something I ordered, I opened it in front of my coworkers. It was a gift from my grandmother: a giant pink, “I Love My Grandson” T-shirt. The worst part? They insisted I put it on and take a picture to send to her. FML
Today, my mom asked me to take my dad's mail to him. The "mail" was divorce papers. FML
Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML
Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML
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Top comments
davidpropert 32
Sounds like your kid saw some real "Junk" ;)
ilovesoccer1610 31
Have fun explaining to your kid what everything is
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Comments (59)
laurellkawes 31
You don't just "happen" to get those kinds of magazines out of nowhere. So, after your son saw it, what did you guys order?
kirkaygri 18
Or what do they have in the bedroom from a past order that got them on the mailing list? ;)
Gingerwithasoul 6
Oh my
mr_sarcastic416 29
strapon for mom and lacey bra & panties for him
MadeUpUsername 13
You married an idiot.
heartofhannah 28
Must be related to you, seeing as you didn't even read the FML properly.
LyricaSilvan 30
Oh my...hopefully you were able to distract your kid before they could make you awkwardly explain to them what those were for.
nickie_94 18
That's why the mail should be checked anyway. You never know what you could be sent.
GabbyPLluch88 13
Lovely grandma... wish you the best while talking with your kid about it
EarlFug 19
Can't wait to hear what shows up next attn: Grandma
Halfass 8
Tell your kid those toys are fake lightsabers, oversized retarded barbie dolls, pokeballs, and dragonballs.
writerchic85 26
Mommy mommy I want that big giant pink light saber for Christmas! It even hums!
NickACD 27
The humming is a result of the toy. Ba dum tss
angiemarie96 25
#24 no shit sherlock, I thought it was grandpa's vibrating dentures in the background
yourwifelovesme 25
Yeah, literally junk mail ?
peteto818 28
Five year old isn't that young but probably not old enough either to understand what those toys are. I think you're save for now.