Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
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Comments (188)
PokemonLove993 17
scat fetish?
blvcklvnd69 14
Then rim the chillihole filled with chilli.
girlymae 12
The things we do for love...
perdix 31
I can't believe someone actually wants a blumpkin! I've had this theory that the word "blumpkin" was a wildly successful prank played on Urban Dictionary, and the gullible public believed that someone would want a ******* while ********. I hope I can use it in Scrabble!
perdix 31
Cool! I contributed "third-pic wince" so now I can put it in documents. It's a pretty specialized moment, so it's hard to work in.
Crabtree1015 12
bumpkin!
PapaSmurffolks 7
You should have punch him in the balls and asked him how that felt. The nasty bastard..... Thats not freaky thats just plain nasty...
mr_jack_meoff 5
Are you blonde? How are you going to get off smelling a toilet full of shit.
babyshanice 12
Ever heard of a blumpkin?
babyshanice 12
Smh blumpkin!
safeship 0
Autodivorce!!