Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
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Comments (188)
ShoyuSauceSoup 26
That is very disgusting.
Burgleflickle 8
You should tell him you'll do that if he eats you out while you shit!
chosha_fml 27
He might get off on that. Look how disgusting he already is.
PeachiePrincess 16
Gross, you should make him go down on you while you're on your period. I wonder if he'd be up for that, it's pretty much the equivalent of what he wants you to do.
nyxiny 22
Um, actually, I think the equivalent would be him going down on her while she was taking a dump...
PeachiePrincess 16
Haha, I thought of that too, but I think the blood would gross him out more. He'd actually have to get it in his mouth.
rogerover 19
Not if you leave a tampon in while eating. No mess, no fuss!
emuexport 4
Well he's right of course !!
dredscott 7
That's called a blumpkin
ravenh1979 13
Yep, so I've heard. GROSS!!
FreakyMySlinky 7
You username says you're dating a country blumpkin, but in the FML you said your husband. Having an affair OP? ;)
buckdharma 38
I hope you said "no go" to the low flow go low. Just say "no" to head on the head and head to the bed instead.
Brak_Spaceman 19
Worst rhyme ever.
Spyfiction 6
That's a shitty situation
jw90 18
That's just..even I wouldn't try and convince my girlfriend to do something like that.
mete_orito 34
Ewww, So disgusting