Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
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Comments (188)
aboelmagd 18
Worst sex scenario ever.
tarbaby6193 6
I can't thinkk of any situation Where a blumpkin leads to dual mind blowing orgasms
smurfdoll 8
While he *****, an farts he gets to feel pleasure and relief . What do you get? A cold floor, eating horrible smells, and feeling bad about yourself . **** that. I really hope you declined .
tenderteddy82 4
Looks like someone read "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell".
coryking06 4
Well that ************ is nasty!!!
elvirakwow 16
I almost peed my pants when I read this. Hahaha
NPN_Scorpio 16
Just stuff him full of big anal beads, hive him head, and pull them out when he climaxes. Oh, and clean that tunnel first. Similar but stronger effect, easier to accomplish successfully. If he's into the smell (and you're not), put some stink on his upper lip. If you both happen to love the smell of turds (I don't judge. It happens) just don't flush them down after he's done prepping and go to it in the bathroom, beside the bowl.
NPN_Scorpio 16
"give" Doh, stupid laptop buttons!
AlWAYSN4EVR 13
That is just so disgusting
zulcurlos 5
Blumpkins