Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked to the grocery store despite being out of shape since it was typically only a 30 minute walk and gas prices are bad. The hourly temperature on my weather app was wrong as usual so by the time I got to the store, I was sweating buckets. By the time I got back home, I was so overheated I nearly threw up. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML
Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML
Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck. I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML
Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML
Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML
Today, I finally got to take the bus to the store on this icy cold day. I got there at 1 pm and found it closed. Their website said they'd open late at 10 am. Then, I missed a bus home and had to walk back in the ice and sludge. I slipped, fell on my ass, and my shoes and socks got soaked in dirty ice water. FML
Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML
Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML
Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML
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Top comments
karamman 5
4 miles for some ice cream? Now that's determination
Dracoboxer357 36
So, you purchased 1000 kgs of ice-cream (plus whatever the difference is between a shit-tonne and a regular tonne is), with a distance of 6.4 kms needed to travel, in an environment of roughly 46'C, which gives you an estimated time of 10 minutes before it's melted beyond consumption........Interesting. I guess the only question I have to that is, can you and your husband maintain a running speed of no less than 38.4 km/h, with a tonne strapped to your combined asses, for 10 solid minutes? Because if not, you may not have thought this through very well. :)
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Comments (141)
Dracoboxer357 36
So, you purchased 1000 kgs of ice-cream (plus whatever the difference is between a shit-tonne and a regular tonne is), with a distance of 6.4 kms needed to travel, in an environment of roughly 46'C, which gives you an estimated time of 10 minutes before it's melted beyond consumption........Interesting. I guess the only question I have to that is, can you and your husband maintain a running speed of no less than 38.4 km/h, with a tonne strapped to your combined asses, for 10 solid minutes? Because if not, you may not have thought this through very well. :)
gracehi 33
But I can see that YOU did. ;)
Dracoboxer357 36
34- One must devote all mental focus to ice-cream in order to pay it proper homage. ;)
Isoldael 27
The FML app crashed three times before it would let me give you a thumbs up, but it was worth it!
Major_General 10
Use proper measurements.
perdix 31
Thank you for putting everything in consistent units, the mix of metric and Engish units was distracting. I still can't find a reliable conversion factor for a shit-ton. Once the quantities were in context, I understood why these two morons can't manage to cobble together enough money to make a down payment on a thoroughly-used car.
rummzy 6
Just......epic win hahaha
DespairFaction 11
Very well put friend.
gionatorinc 5
62- I beleive that you mean shit-tonne?
TrueTriage 16
-94 You dont correct Perdix!
AnagenisisZagus 13
Huh. This is a first. I think I'm gay for you.
RainingDaydreams 0
This is absolutely perfect. Bravo.
brill33 7
This guy gets it
733yoda_fml 19
The metric system IS a proper system of measurement
Aadavis94 25
In my opinion a shit tonne is a about 3.634 times the necessary amount needed to get a job done
weezypanda420 22
Bravo!! :D
trippythehippy 6
How did that work out? And what did we learn?
hockeyoceancity 13
We learned not all Stop signs are red.
trippythehippy 6
Yea. It kinda baffled me when I pulled up to it
aleeshttylXD 9
we learned to save up money an buy a car...
lilacgold 16
Maybe take a cab, just this once? If you can afford a ton of ice-cream, you can afford a single 4 mile cab journey to save it.
nukeacat 9
If they live in OKC, like me, there aren't a lot of cabs. And, it is 115 degree weather here.
GaurdGirl 5
I'm sure you can do it. If you keep it in one bag, then it won't melt nearly as fast.
gracehi 33
Didn't think that one through, huh?
SoultheWolf 19
Why didn't you just take a bus or taxi cab back... or bring a small cooler with you to carry it in? YDI
Xquisite1 28
I know this may come as a shock to you but--NOT EVERYWHERE HAS BUSES OR CABS! There is a such thing as small towns.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
37-
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
37- If it's a small town, I guarantee you they know someone in a car passing by to hitch a ride with.
Xquisite1 28
Apparently you've never lived in a small town before. For example a population of 6,000 is considered a small town. Thats doesn't mean that OP knows everyone in town.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I have lived in a small town. And my idea of small happens to be less than 6,000 people. I've lived multiple places in Nebraska, Wyoming, and Iowa. I knew a lot of people. And guess what? We had a taxi service everywhere I went.
UltimateGIRness 16
Y'all are makin my town sound like a dot on a map.we got 493 people and no cab service.if we go anywhere without a car,we know people to drive us home
shannon.elizabeth 13
places in eastern WA has a lot of small towns with no services like taxis or buses and not a lot of people really knew anyone bc houses were so spread apart & no one was friendly
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
86- My point exactly. No cab? Phone a friend. Or just flag one down.
Yodaevil 4
If you're in a area with out public transportation, you NEED a car before you need ice cream. Get your priorities straight.
Thebestman123 3
A shit-ton will not fit in a small cooler, niether will a ton of shit.
Xquisite1 28
Google a place called Preston,MD or Hurlock, MD. I grow up on the Eastern Shore of MD, it is rural and most of the towns have 3,000- 6,000 people in them. Small towns, country setting, people live spread apart and NO taxi or bus is in either one of those towns. You haven't lived everywhere in America. What may be true for one place isn't true for all. NOT EVERY PLACE HAS BUSES OR TAXIS! You need to explore the world more before you try to make asinine points.
leftyb10 12
With that much ice cream, I'd say you needed to walk..
183933 6
Hello... Enterprise!?
soopafreak 11
Maybe if you didn't but metric shit tons of ice cream you could afford a car
inventindascene 5
Should have smeared it on yourself to stay cool....