Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML
Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML
Today, I was at the gym, well intent on trying a new workout class. I was the only person in the class and the instructor was clearly disappointed. He reluctantly gave me the class but I could tell he was hating the whole experience. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I went to court-mandated anger management. The guy running the class was an insufferable little dweeb who wasted time teaching us fucking nursery rhymes. I wanted to break his stupid little nerd glasses. Everything about him makes me mad. FML
Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML
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Top comments
higgysaurus 18
That gym teacher has some great ideas.
Tripartita 45
Listening to insane rambling > gym class Or maybe I'm just a lazy ass.
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Comments (137)
worldclassrager 41
Back to the roman times...
bobsanction 18
How do you know he was drunk?
DEATHLORD_fml 16
That's....kind of a good idea.....
afisxfallxchild 9
Are you sure he's drunk? That sounds like an interesting idea.
ScenePanda45 13
Your gym teacher sounds like a pretty funny dude.
Kristen320 21
It could be like the Hunger Games.
emmer132010 9
Am I the only one who is disgusted by the outpouring of support for this idea? No doubt, criminals owe a debt to society, sometimes a debt that they pay with their lives. But to commercialize that for entertainment? Wasn't that the point of the Hunger Games novels...to stop the Hunger Games because of what it did to humanity? Pro death penalty all the way but doesn't getting pleasure from the viewing make us sick human beings??
Martnikk 15
This is America! If there is money to be made it will be made, screw ethics
ebolson1019 12
Have you seen the internet we're already sick
LordVaper 14
It is an amazing idea
eight_ace 1
Let's see now...at last count there were a couple of hundred people in the United States who'd been subsequently released after it'd been found they'd railroaded onto death row by corrupt, racist or incompetent cops and prosecutors. Average length of time on death row? 11.3 years. One of them could've been your brother or your best friend from high school, you bloodthirsty bozo.
AvengedAngel 13
that is an awesome idea!