Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML
Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML
Today, I was at the gym, well intent on trying a new workout class. I was the only person in the class and the instructor was clearly disappointed. He reluctantly gave me the class but I could tell he was hating the whole experience. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I went to court-mandated anger management. The guy running the class was an insufferable little dweeb who wasted time teaching us fucking nursery rhymes. I wanted to break his stupid little nerd glasses. Everything about him makes me mad. FML
Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
higgysaurus 18
That gym teacher has some great ideas.
Tripartita 45
Listening to insane rambling > gym class Or maybe I'm just a lazy ass.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (137)
pharm121 21
Don't have to be drunk to think that is a much better use of taxpayer dollars
flamingarrow59 21
no lie I'd watch
haseosakaki 5
Am I the only one who noticed the grammar mistake in the OP?
mollydick 12
sounds more like drugs to me
sniffmyzebra 14
I'd watch that
wanttobe 8
Maybe he was just having a bad day and projecting? Watch people...hey tell you by actions what they're not saying in words
Dynamite73 25
That's not a bad idea...
shmaxwell 7
sounds more like an MLIA situation
Kayouri 10
Sounds like your gym teacher watches a bit too much anime. Deadman Wonderland, anyone?
amberthebear 7
hell.. I'd say he's on to something. did you see how much debt the U.S. is in? over 18 trillion. if they are convicted with definite proof, and the crime fits the bill, throw I'm in the coliseum.