Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML
Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML
Today, after I watched my girlfriend get her head shaved in preparation for chemo a few days ago, I took the clippers and buzzed my long, well kept hair, gave her a loving hug, reminding her that, "We're at this together." She later broke up with me because I, pretty much, "look like shit." FML
Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML
Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML
Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML
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Top comments
THEMTCHELL 0
she means me
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well, come on, Santa! Ya think them ho ho hoes want facial hair down there when you're gettin em jolly in the bedroom? Your pole may be pointing north, but she doesn't want your beard on her milky cookie!
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Comments (58)
ckjacques53198 0
I agree. I wouldn't be with her
maggiewalters 17
You should shave her goodbye. Oops, i mean wave her goodbye.
xbadboyx 0
if it's good oral then I say just keep quiet n keep going sown on her while u look for a new g/f. :-)
ImaginaryFoe 1
I can't help but feel like there is a bit more to this story. Did she state that she wanted you to feel like her ex or was she trying to say she didn't like the feeling of the beard and merely brought up her ex to explain the difference in sensations? Sometimes people get foot in mouth disease but it doesn't mean she prefers him to you. If she definitely meant she preferred him and not that she prefers a clean-shaven you, it may be time to go.
Dodie__fml 2
Shut. up. it's a ******* fml, not a life or death matter. what's wrong with you people that write essays on this shit? did you get bored playing with yourself?
DocBastard 40
Dodie, since it's Christmas, I'll go easy on you. All I'll tell you is that the comment section was created by the Mighty FML Deity so that people can comment however they please. If ImaginaryFoe wishes to use her brain and post a logical comment, she is free to do so. There are plenty of worthless comments you can say "this^" to if you'd prefer. If you don't like it, move on. Goddammit, I can't wait until Christmas is over so I can start cursing people out again. This sucks.
ryanst 7
^this. Wut duz YDI, Op, FYL, and Mod meen?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
You Damn Imbecil, Oh Please. **** You; Leave. Make Out, Dikes!!!!!
ryanst 7
Haha I made that comment to mess with Doc because he said he wouldn't cuss people out on Christmas. Thank you for the translation though, I shall keep those in mind while reading comments.
ClairebabyXOXO 0
Burnnnnn!!
peace_sign 0
wow ur a winner!!
amcphun 0
that's why you're supposed to get noggin. not give it.
lovestoomassage 0
wow that's just wrong.... get a new gf for the new year!
Trav72 5
19 - Your picture, I've been there. Just saying (:
samicna 4
hahahaha don't go down on her anymore that'll learn her!
dinohalo 0
wow