Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
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Top comments
enriquepp 4
Well I guess instead of masturbating you can call it snake handling now.
daviddupree 0
That sucks dude
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Comments (155)
that_swag 0
Leave that bitch
fsamslife92 8
Wow. So many people are saying he should dump her for this, and the people who say that relationships are about more than sex are getting thumbed down to oblivion. Has anyone considered that relationships can be about romance and intimacy?
grannygruber 6
Maybe it's just so massive it scares her! FYL
daniellek4 0
Mabe this is her first time and she never saw your thing before
charlielara 4
Don't mean to be mean but this may be a prelude to dumping
kei1108 13
That's rude and unnecessary. ... Is she still your girlfriend? I don't really get why she would.
omarecer 3
It's DUMPVILLE for her I hope
C94_ 0
You can always **********....... Don't choke your snake too much
SadisticStephyy 21
Huh. That's so weird, you're not getting any sex and you're still ******. Hmm.
PollyluvsTigger 2
I like this girl :)