Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML
Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML
Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
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Top comments
ajh1800 25
Why wouldn't she just wake you up to go to the bathroom with her? That seems like it would be easier than having to clean a matress...
Glowworm56 27
Geez, what the heck did you see? That awful looking Peter Rabbit movie from Sony?
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Comments (32)
Chazzster 32
I have to ask, just how young is the girlfriend?
skippydoda 32
WTF? How old is she? I get being scared but not enough to pee my bed
RichardPencil 32
I’m guessing it was the new Melissa McCarthy movie. The trailers scared the shit out of me!!! I’d think the full movie will graphically show how a brilliant comedienne’s career can descend to hell in a handbasket. I’d probably have nightmares and soil my drawers!
statikman619 14
What movie was it? A Quiet Place? 🤔
statikman619 14
What movie was it? A Quiet Place?
statikman619 14
What movie was it? A Quiet Place?
keble 9
I think the real concern here is that you're dating a 9 year old, because there is no way a conscious adult would just pee in bed
Lobby_Bee 18
The downside to being a pedophile.
cbchawks 14
ha!
itsthewayitis 10
just rub her nose in it and spank her bottom
Tammy Jeanette Stephan 3
dump her.