Miscellaneous: Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25414

You deserved it

2905

Favorite

Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Money hole

Shark-infested offices

By Anonymous - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20754

You deserved it

2033

Favorite

By SayWhat - United States

Today, I went to throw out the garbage outside. I noticed at the bottom of my can was a lot of rice. I was angry at my brother for making a mess. As I went to clean it up, the rice moved. It wasn't rice, it was maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28558

You deserved it

4708

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

583

Favorite

By Jennyfromdablock - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12876

You deserved it

36228

Favorite

By Anonymous

No one likes a smart-ass

Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2136

You deserved it

841

Favorite

By Nottheprettylady - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68783

You deserved it

3797

Favorite

By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34355

You deserved it

3453

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17906

You deserved it

55904

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Gander

Carry her home

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44280

You deserved it

4309

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I told my students that I would be taking a few weeks off because a member of my family is very ill. They all cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30410

You deserved it

9650

Favorite

By Great. - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25928

You deserved it

5322

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 05:01

Where there's a will…

Today, as a final effort to get me to lose weight, my recently deceased father left me $25,000 on his will, which is only to be released to me once I weigh 150 pounds. No exceptions. I'm about to lose my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

965

You deserved it

427

Favorite

By meh - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30507

You deserved it

2235

Favorite

By Anonymous

The Little Sperm That Could

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4678

You deserved it

877

Favorite

By jarrettsorko - Canada

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28231

You deserved it

6418

Favorite

By Bee - United States

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10356

You deserved it

91674

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51921

You deserved it

5205

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43051

You deserved it

7954

Favorite

By furball - Inchture

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56145

You deserved it

9292

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2020 20:08

All weddings are themed

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1797

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By Aly - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47988

You deserved it

5798

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27284

You deserved it

3102

Favorite

By dumbmotherinlaw - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12172

You deserved it

790

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17257

You deserved it

34900

Favorite

By JMcKay - Australia

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30014

You deserved it

6116

Favorite

By cyprianista - United States - Houston

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36067

You deserved it

4395

Favorite

By AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22960

You deserved it

25667

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40111

You deserved it

3837

Favorite

By Feema - United States

I am his girlfriend

Today, right after sex, my boyfriend told me that I was as good as a man, and all that I was missing was a strap-on penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2420

You deserved it

323

Favorite

By :/

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44185

You deserved it

17419

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22294

You deserved it

2186

Favorite

By goner - United States

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

70148

You deserved it

21500

Favorite

By Marriedtoajew

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5791

You deserved it

405

Favorite

By eewww - United Kingdom

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38700

You deserved it

3688

Favorite

By Geewizz - United States

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79344

You deserved it

4689

Favorite

By dab1230 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24694

You deserved it

42475

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27773

You deserved it

2616

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

No smoking

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1065

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By icantdrive - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18253

You deserved it

73207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 17:01 - Germany

Packaging

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1351

You deserved it

201

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Kayble89 | 13

#3230817 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Sadly you were just that bad...

By babygirlc1 | 5

#3230825 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Maybe you suck at volleyball.

COMMENTS

By Kayble89 | 13

#3230817 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Sadly you were just that bad...

UMad_Bro | 3

#3230882 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:32

Dont worry. You're not alone. I bet plenty of other people didn't make it and they just said they did so they don't seem bad.

genesisnirvana | 11

#3230982 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:50

Maybe it was an accident that they--- fts they did it on purpose.FYL

woahbro2slow | 0

#3230992 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:52

haha. I'm sorry op, just keep practicing. and don't worry about rumorss:)

monkeys1315 | 0

#3231184 - Sunday 4 September 2011 1:38

You might still get a call.

cIickhere | 5

#3231412 - Sunday 4 September 2011 2:33

Don't worry they didn't call u cause they thought u know u made it for sure

crazychick1269 | 7

#3231525 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:16

I'll help u!!!

ravensunnyd | 0

#3231563 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:22

Well volleyball isn't for every one you do need some coordination so go out for tennis or softball or some other sport?

mnwv | 3

#3232113 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:12

41: Shit I normally keep stay pretty quiet around this site but fucking hell did I just see someone say that if you don't jar coordination go play Tennis, fuck last time I checked there is no such thing as a professional "Volleyball Player" so please go take up a real sport before you insult mine.

xxBridgyxx | 0

#3232234 - Sunday 4 September 2011 7:11

Well you must of checked a long time ago because there is such a thing as a professional volleyball player. Misty May ring a bell?

By babygirlc1 | 5

#3230825 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Maybe you suck at volleyball.

tylersign | 11

#3230916 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:38

Maybe OP was just top good for the team. Hahaha yeah.

slushpup9696 | 12

#3231485 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:06

Maybe OP was bottom good.

cali_dude | 5

#3231789 - Sunday 4 September 2011 4:35

Sounds like the freshman team.

tylersign | 11

#3232072 - Sunday 4 September 2011 5:58

36- Hahaha xD damnyouautocorrect.

ThatOneCanadian | 0

#3232086 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:05

Might i suggest mini golf?

mnwv | 3

#3232119 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:15

Remove keep* and have*

By spaerro | 8

#3230838 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:25

That sucks OP. Maybe it was a mistake?

TonyIsMyDog | 2

#3231099 - Sunday 4 September 2011 1:18

Spaerro - you are very attractive. What part of the world do you live in?

neoncupcakez | 0

#3231414 - Sunday 4 September 2011 2:34

Creeper alert @20

By Runninvegan | 8

#3230844 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:25

Its okay OP not everyone can handle sports. Thats what prostitutes are for. your there to fill the void

allenhouse3320 | 0

#3230899 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:35

I agree

docscientist | 9

#3232031 - Sunday 4 September 2011 5:40

Prostitutes? You realize sports are more than likely a dead end as a professional career for 99% of the people who play them, right?

daniel1991 | 0

#3239067 - Monday 5 September 2011 10:35

52- i bet you like star treak and world of warcraft? Idk. Wtf ok....and also ppl dont just play sports to make it to pros...maybe ur good and u just want a scholarship to a big collage...