Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

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Miscellaneous

Great speech, thanks!

Toxic people

Damp, dark night

By heather - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

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By jruth7 - United States

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

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40800

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

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23062

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By wellgreat - United States

Today, I was in the Student Union when a man a came up to me and asked if I wanted to be in a study to see how men acted differently when working with attractive women. Flattered and taken aback, I agreed. He then told me I would be part of the control group to see how they act around plain looking women. FML

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59392

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By thanks, my fellow americans - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

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47589

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By AirOne - United States

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

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50517

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By Oli974 - France - N?ves-parmelan

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

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31131

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By Theresa - 10/10/2020 17:01

Man's best friend

Today, at my daughter's soccer game, my nephew's dog helped herself to the Snowball I was eating, leaving fur on the side she didn't lick and left it unsalvageable. She peed on the blanket I was sitting on, tried to bite another kid, and went on to pop my kid's soccer ball that she'd used twice since I purchased it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

900

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185

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By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

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2827

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By smashleighfig - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

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29504

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 23:03

Dead to me

Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1445

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100

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2020 17:00

The walls have ears

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

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515

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2535

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By McKenna - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

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39170

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By katier8295 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

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7705

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By Anonyme - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

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19275

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2367

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By bitchasshonky - France

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his room mate. It's been 45 minutes and its still going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37837

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By gothchick201013 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

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11963

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1100

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By The Christmas Grinch - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

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28334

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 05:05

Quite the catch

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

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2348

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237

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By abc - Pakistan

Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML

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55287

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By Embarressed... - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

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44361

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By numbcrumb

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

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5747

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280

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By ohfantastic - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

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25585

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2020 02:04 - United States - Houston

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, I opened a lesson with the phrase, "As we all know, the world is over 4 billion years old." One of my students immediately snorted and said, in all seriousness, that I was wrong, and that the Earth is only 6000 years old. A few of his classmates agreed. I teach geology at university. FML

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1551

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 17:01

Relativity

Today, I found out my husband of 8 years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML

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1260

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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38195

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By badbed - United Kingdom

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

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26657

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

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25818

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

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43725

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By JLD - United States

Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

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By moosemay - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, my husband taught our son how to pee while standing. His aim is as poor as my husband's, but I guess now they can blame their mess on each other. FML

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22455

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By milked - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

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36227

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By SelfServiced - United States - San Francisco

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

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41772

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

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42425

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By shatfjord - United States - Rochester

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

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42512

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By LifeFucksUsAll - Canada

Today, I was on a date with a guy, we were sitting in a restaurant having a fairly good conversation, when I had to go to the washroom. I left the table and when I came back, he was gone. Along with my wallet and car keys. FML

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49652

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By the un-loved child - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

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53576

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By wdones97

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

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1854

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By Perry85 - 10/12/2019 05:00

Not my turn

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML

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2984

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Top comments

By Kayble89 | 13

#3230817 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Sadly you were just that bad...

By babygirlc1 | 5

#3230825 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Maybe you suck at volleyball.

COMMENTS

By Kayble89 | 13

#3230817 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Sadly you were just that bad...

UMad_Bro | 3

#3230882 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:32

Dont worry. You're not alone. I bet plenty of other people didn't make it and they just said they did so they don't seem bad.

genesisnirvana | 11

#3230982 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:50

Maybe it was an accident that they--- fts they did it on purpose.FYL

woahbro2slow | 0

#3230992 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:52

haha. I'm sorry op, just keep practicing. and don't worry about rumorss:)

monkeys1315 | 0

#3231184 - Sunday 4 September 2011 1:38

You might still get a call.

cIickhere | 5

#3231412 - Sunday 4 September 2011 2:33

Don't worry they didn't call u cause they thought u know u made it for sure

crazychick1269 | 7

#3231525 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:16

I'll help u!!!

ravensunnyd | 0

#3231563 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:22

Well volleyball isn't for every one you do need some coordination so go out for tennis or softball or some other sport?

mnwv | 3

#3232113 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:12

41: Shit I normally keep stay pretty quiet around this site but fucking hell did I just see someone say that if you don't jar coordination go play Tennis, fuck last time I checked there is no such thing as a professional "Volleyball Player" so please go take up a real sport before you insult mine.

xxBridgyxx | 0

#3232234 - Sunday 4 September 2011 7:11

Well you must of checked a long time ago because there is such a thing as a professional volleyball player. Misty May ring a bell?

By babygirlc1 | 5

#3230825 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:23

Maybe you suck at volleyball.

tylersign | 11

#3230916 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:38

Maybe OP was just top good for the team. Hahaha yeah.

slushpup9696 | 12

#3231485 - Sunday 4 September 2011 3:06

Maybe OP was bottom good.

cali_dude | 5

#3231789 - Sunday 4 September 2011 4:35

Sounds like the freshman team.

tylersign | 11

#3232072 - Sunday 4 September 2011 5:58

36- Hahaha xD damnyouautocorrect.

ThatOneCanadian | 0

#3232086 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:05

Might i suggest mini golf?

mnwv | 3

#3232119 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:15

Remove keep* and have*

By spaerro | 8

#3230838 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:25

That sucks OP. Maybe it was a mistake?

TonyIsMyDog | 2

#3231099 - Sunday 4 September 2011 1:18

Spaerro - you are very attractive. What part of the world do you live in?

neoncupcakez | 0

#3231414 - Sunday 4 September 2011 2:34

Creeper alert @20

By Runninvegan | 8

#3230844 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:25

Its okay OP not everyone can handle sports. Thats what prostitutes are for. your there to fill the void

allenhouse3320 | 0

#3230899 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:35

I agree

docscientist | 9

#3232031 - Sunday 4 September 2011 5:40

Prostitutes? You realize sports are more than likely a dead end as a professional career for 99% of the people who play them, right?

daniel1991 | 0

#3239067 - Monday 5 September 2011 10:35

52- i bet you like star treak and world of warcraft? Idk. Wtf ok....and also ppl dont just play sports to make it to pros...maybe ur good and u just want a scholarship to a big collage...