By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Breaking news: bratwurst mayhem!

Today, having forgotten my knife at home, I nervously took a bite of my cheesy brat at work. It didn’t splatter on my clothes like I worried it would, but it did splatter all over my desk, keyboard, computer screen, and paperwork. I can't get the cheese out from under the keys. FML

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sarcasmismyno1 tells us more :

OP here. It happened. No apologies, lesson learned. Welcome to WI life. It's different up here, ya know.

The truth will out

Too good to be true

Thank God for that

By Chandler - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

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By diskdude13 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

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By starboy - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

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By O - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

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By Jbs4lf - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk because I couldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

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By somuchforthat - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

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By ariana - 8/3/2021 21:30

Relatable

Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

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By pantsareathing - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

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By Damn You Fortnite

Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML

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By Shianna - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

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By ugh - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

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By Soverytired - Australia

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

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By cool trick buddy - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was tailgated on the highway. There was a car in the lane next to me, and my tailgater was WAY too close to risk slowing down, so I sped up in order to switch lanes, which bumped me over the speed limit. That's when my tailgater turned on the flashing lights. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

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By Anon - United States - Sacramento

Today, I spent $70 on party supplies for my sister's bachelorette party, another hour decorating, three hours baking and designing a cake, before waiting five hours to hear that she and another bridesmaid had 'moved' the party elsewhere. Cake anyone? FML

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By Kimel - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

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By Anonymous - Poland - Polska

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

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By WatchOut - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

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By Awkwardly_dumped

You got mail

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. When we took a break and went downstairs, he checked the mail. He had received a letter from his ex-girlfriend, which he opened in front of me. He then began sobbing on my shoulder and broke up with me. He still had to drive me home. FML

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By hurt - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

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By stuck - United States

Today, I went to see my boyfriend with the intention of breaking up with him. Instead I discovered that he lost his job today and has to move back in with his parents. I can't bring myself to dump someone who's already crying about his horrible day. Now I have to comfort my soon-to-be ex. FML

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By Fridaythe12th - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

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By Caroline1812 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

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By mairelys - Canada

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

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By dannij08 - United States

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

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By AnnoyedByFriends

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

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By Sad guy - 8/1/2021 20:01 - United States - Baltimore

Brotherly love

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

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By - France

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she wants to dress me up with her clothes, with wig and makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Right place, wrong time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

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By gpistas - United States

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

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By beaverless - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in sexual activity anymore because it is getting too boring. FML

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By AnastasiyaNicholas - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

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Top comments

By infinitemonkey | 21

#7400577 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:03

This is the most Wisconsin FML ever.

By DraconicFeline | 31

#7400586 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:10

If you were worried it would splatter, why would you choose to eat it anywhere near these things...?

COMMENTS

By infinitemonkey | 21

#7400577 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:03

This is the most Wisconsin FML ever.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7400608 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:42

Ya, hey!

She'd have to have spattered her beer and her Aaron Rogers bobblehead to be more Wisconsin!

Reply

Bamidgey | 11

#7400637 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:37

I'm from Wisconsin, and this is a daily problem.

By OhYouAreOffended | 11

#7400585 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:10

I've never had a cheesy brat that cheesey before, but also I've never been to Wisconsin.

By DraconicFeline | 31

#7400586 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:10

If you were worried it would splatter, why would you choose to eat it anywhere near these things...?

Reply

draftskink | 23

#7400626 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:13

Thinking the same thing lol

Reply

LyricaSilvan | 29

#7400693 - Sunday 29 January 2017 20:52

It would seem some people only think things through about halfway.

Reply

Isabela O'Connor | 3

#7415121 - Thursday 23 February 2017 7:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Bman54 | 19

#7400599 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:24

What the heck is a cheesy brat?

Reply

InfiniteSunshine | 32

#7400615 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:52

From what I understand, brat is short for bratwurst, which is a kind of sausage. So this would basically be a cheese filled sausage.

Reply

thehaystackerine | 20

#7400620 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:02

heaven on a bun

Reply

becre8ve | 9

#7400634 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:32

Cheese mixed in with the meat during the sausage making process

Reply

GreedyGreedo | 10

#7400712 - Sunday 29 January 2017 21:27

A brat with cheese in it...

Reply

GreedyGreedo | 10

#7400713 - Sunday 29 January 2017 21:27

A brat with cheese in it...

Reply

cootiequeen4444 | 11

#7401014 - Monday 30 January 2017 5:36

a spoiled child that likes to tell corny jokes and watch chick flicks. Cannibalism is bad, OP! >:(

By RichardPencil | 30

#7400600 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:26

Don't worry, the mice will come and clean out that cheese for you.

By Solano2580 | 24

#7400696 - Sunday 29 January 2017 20:53

YDI. If you really needed to eat so close to your workspace then you should have gone with something less messy.

Reply

hortiz1 | 7

#7400932 - Monday 30 January 2017 2:21

You should've ate in the breakroom like a normal person.

By Moerighan | 23

#7400954 - Monday 30 January 2017 3:49

There's these things they invented called napkins? Maybe you've heard of them? Why not give it a go next time and wrap your brat.

By swervelol | 28

#7400995 - Monday 30 January 2017 4:55

I didn't know that cheesy brats were so strange to other people... then again I live in Wisconsin! We know the struggle all too well best of luck cleaning that mess.

By HaleyMae321 | 5

#7401127 - Monday 30 January 2017 9:55

First of all sounds like you deserved it. Second, when you're so American you imagine a spoiled child covered in cheese ?

By sandman676 | 20

#7401146 - Monday 30 January 2017 10:23

Keyboard keys are removable for cleaning fml