By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 03:39 - United States - Madison

Breaking news: bratwurst mayhem!

Today, having forgotten my knife at home, I nervously took a bite of my cheesy brat at work. It didn’t splatter on my clothes like I worried it would, but it did splatter all over my desk, keyboard, computer screen, and paperwork. I can't get the cheese out from under the keys. FML

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sarcasmismyno1 Say more :

OP here. It happened. No apologies, lesson learned. Welcome to WI life. It's different up here, ya know.

Yappy neighborhood

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Car Wars

By Anonymous - 1/4/2016 01:54 - Australia - Stafford

Today, my best friend finally broke up with her knob of a boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years has broken up with me because she's finally single. She introduced us. FML

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By baconbxtch - 22/8/2013 02:45 - United States - Orlando

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

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By brooklyn0118 - 12/9/2018 15:00

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

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By Lamediseased - 29/9/2016 15:07 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease. FML

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By leastitwasntsurpriseanal - 22/8/2014 20:26 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

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By Broke - 28/5/2012 09:38 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

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By cole - 24/4/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

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By sickofthesmelltoo - 28/2/2013 10:56 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

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By ClosetMishap - 10/11/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

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By anti-drugs - 21/3/2011 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

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By 4fucksake - 18/7/2010 23:26 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

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By cheese123 - 3/1/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

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By FMLdude - 18/8/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

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By fmylifeee - 27/9/2019 04:00

But my babiiiiiiies!

Today, my wife and I invited my boss over for dinner, specifically warning her not to bring her children due to our house not being childproof. She surprised us by walking in with her toddlers. They both shat on our carpets, then my dog knocked them into a wall. I guess I'll start looking for another job. FML

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By Jbs4lf - 27/12/2011 03:15 - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk because I couldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

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By hurikan68 - 27/7/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

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By Neutered - 27/11/2012 19:52 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

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By Thanks Babe - 20/4/2013 23:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

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By peoplesuck - 14/5/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

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By - 8/2/2017 14:00 - United States

Today, after months of trying to convince my violent bipolar antisocial neighbors to crack a window when they smoke pot, I'm now living without any heat to avoid being blasted by pot smoke from the heat vents day and night. FML

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By Fat_abott - 5/1/2012 20:40 - France

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

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By Daniel - 27/6/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2015 06:33 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

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By neverbeenkissed - 3/7/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 06:01 - United States - New Bloomfield

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By garrett - 14/2/2019 15:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

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By anonymouse - 9/3/2011 19:37 - Reserved

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

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By squirt - 5/7/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

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By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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By mandiballz - 12/1/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He says "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

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By pleasekillme - 19/4/2013 11:44 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

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By Should have stayed in the closet - 7/6/2018 06:00

Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that he "needed me inside him" before I left. Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex. Only later did I learn about the floor-wide bet about me being gay. I still don’t know if my roommate fucked me for fun or for 5 cases of beer. FML

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By anonymous - 6/5/2013 18:08 - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

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By meeee - 21/3/2013 10:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

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Top comments

By infinitemonkey | 21

#7400577 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:03

This is the most Wisconsin FML ever.

By DraconicFeline | 31

#7400586 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:10

If you were worried it would splatter, why would you choose to eat it anywhere near these things...?

COMMENTS

By infinitemonkey | 21

#7400577 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:03

This is the most Wisconsin FML ever.

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7400608 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:42

Ya, hey!

She'd have to have spattered her beer and her Aaron Rogers bobblehead to be more Wisconsin!

Reply

Bamidgey | 11

#7400637 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:37

I'm from Wisconsin, and this is a daily problem.

By OhYouAreOffended | 11

#7400585 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:10

I've never had a cheesy brat that cheesey before, but also I've never been to Wisconsin.

By DraconicFeline | 31

#7400586 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:10

If you were worried it would splatter, why would you choose to eat it anywhere near these things...?

Reply

draftskink | 23

#7400626 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:13

Thinking the same thing lol

Reply

LyricaSilvan | 29

#7400693 - Sunday 29 January 2017 20:52

It would seem some people only think things through about halfway.

Reply

Isabela O'Connor | 3

#7415121 - Thursday 23 February 2017 7:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Bman54 | 19

#7400599 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:24

What the heck is a cheesy brat?

Reply

InfiniteSunshine | 32

#7400615 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:52

From what I understand, brat is short for bratwurst, which is a kind of sausage. So this would basically be a cheese filled sausage.

Reply

thehaystackerine | 20

#7400620 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:02

heaven on a bun

Reply

becre8ve | 9

#7400634 - Sunday 29 January 2017 19:32

Cheese mixed in with the meat during the sausage making process

Reply

GreedyGreedo | 10

#7400712 - Sunday 29 January 2017 21:27

A brat with cheese in it...

Reply

GreedyGreedo | 10

#7400713 - Sunday 29 January 2017 21:27

A brat with cheese in it...

Reply

cootiequeen4444 | 11

#7401014 - Monday 30 January 2017 5:36

a spoiled child that likes to tell corny jokes and watch chick flicks. Cannibalism is bad, OP! >:(

By RichardPencil | 28

#7400600 - Sunday 29 January 2017 18:26

Don't worry, the mice will come and clean out that cheese for you.

By Solano2580 | 24

#7400696 - Sunday 29 January 2017 20:53

YDI. If you really needed to eat so close to your workspace then you should have gone with something less messy.

Reply

hortiz1 | 7

#7400932 - Monday 30 January 2017 2:21

You should've ate in the breakroom like a normal person.

By Moerighan | 23

#7400954 - Monday 30 January 2017 3:49

There's these things they invented called napkins? Maybe you've heard of them? Why not give it a go next time and wrap your brat.

By swervelol | 28

#7400995 - Monday 30 January 2017 4:55

I didn't know that cheesy brats were so strange to other people... then again I live in Wisconsin! We know the struggle all too well best of luck cleaning that mess.

By HaleyMae321 | 5

#7401127 - Monday 30 January 2017 9:55

First of all sounds like you deserved it. Second, when you're so American you imagine a spoiled child covered in cheese ?

By sandman676 | 20

#7401146 - Monday 30 January 2017 10:23

Keyboard keys are removable for cleaning fml