Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all... - FML

By Dump Tump - 29/3/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1678

You deserved it

153

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Ambien conversations are the worst

Incognito browsing

By owch - 23/11/2015 21:21 - United States - Maumee

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22226

You deserved it

1531

Tweet

Share

By dinosaurboy - 6/2/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30586

You deserved it

5436

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/6/2015 18:05 - United States - Haslet

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29780

You deserved it

2593

Tweet

Share

By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - 9/9/2015 02:37 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25290

You deserved it

4426

Tweet

Share

By hook me up with some smack, Jack - 1/8/2015 06:18 - Australia - Perth

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25497

You deserved it

2813

Tweet

Share

By meesa in big doo do dis time! - 13/6/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3442

You deserved it

447

Tweet

Share

By Mandi - 28/8/2012 00:09 - United States - Cary

Today, I found out why my District Manager won't promote me to store manager; his wife thinks he's having an affair with me. If he promotes me, she will take that as evidence of the affair, and then will threaten to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27228

You deserved it

1695

Tweet

Share

By Katie - 17/9/2019 12:01 - United States

The Bathtub Incident

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By svsksosnns - 11/5/2016 03:59 - United States - Olympia

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with co-workers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12812

You deserved it

1010

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33881

You deserved it

2746

Tweet

Share

By Courts - 28/2/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5437

You deserved it

499

Tweet

Share

By scardeycat13 - 8/1/2012 05:38 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24168

You deserved it

10688

Tweet

Share

By mapleleafs34 - 17/1/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28149

You deserved it

7236

Tweet

Share

By rabid_otaku - 20/9/2014 23:39 - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38892

You deserved it

2898

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/8/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44271

You deserved it

42913

Tweet

Share

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/6/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75776

You deserved it

7181

Tweet

Share

By Tree - 2/2/2018 19:00

So clever. Wow.

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4193

You deserved it

689

Tweet

Share

By eggs - 28/2/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53233

You deserved it

9172

Tweet

Share

By georgiahick - 30/12/2011 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40620

You deserved it

6071

Tweet

Share

By KiwiBlam - 7/2/2010 09:19 - New Zealand

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18341

You deserved it

39821

Tweet

Share

By Perry85 - 4/1/2020 05:00

Once again

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

822

You deserved it

3042

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 21/5/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34227

You deserved it

4600

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/6/2014 19:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54567

You deserved it

6013

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 03:22 - United States

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18072

You deserved it

30722

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 18:47 - United States - Indiana

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30795

You deserved it

2717

Tweet

Share

By Username - 5/10/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41757

You deserved it

12575

Tweet

Share

By Username - 15/6/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44066

You deserved it

3107

Tweet

Share

By for fuck sake dad - 2/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33845

You deserved it

3437

Tweet

Share

By Juliett - 29/8/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Good question

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By ofcourse - 13/9/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks

44767

You deserved it

2601

Tweet

Share

By cerulean - 10/10/2017 01:30

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4317

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28389

You deserved it

3379

Tweet

Share

By -_- - 5/7/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48395

You deserved it

5190

Tweet

Share

By Drai Gray - 24/6/2019 14:12

Today, I'm finally dating the girl I've been fawning over for years. So what do I do? I accidentally call her by her sister's name during a conversation, which might seem like a small mistake, except I used to sleep with her sister and she's been having a hard time getting over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

672

You deserved it

2953

Tweet

Share

By bittersweet - 8/2/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks

659813

You deserved it

71650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 17:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32528

You deserved it

4220

Tweet

Share

By PetitPrincePerdu - 8/5/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61766

You deserved it

5045

Tweet

Share

By random - 29/4/2013 21:11 - Canada

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19181

You deserved it

64561

Tweet

Share

By edible - 20/5/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54426

You deserved it

4062

Tweet

Share

By Dulok Warrior Princess - 10/9/2018 19:30 - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3320

You deserved it

641

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sinshine | 27

#7787417 - Friday 29 March 2019 22:02

Is there no way to borrow one for the exam?

By melisssa87 | 30

#7787419 - Friday 29 March 2019 22:09

Just go with it, they sound the same anyway even if it’s broken or not, even when playing it right or not if you play in a group. That’s how I got away with never doing my homework

COMMENTS

By Sinshine | 27

#7787417 - Friday 29 March 2019 22:02

Is there no way to borrow one for the exam?

By melisssa87 | 30

#7787419 - Friday 29 March 2019 22:09

Just go with it, they sound the same anyway even if it’s broken or not, even when playing it right or not if you play in a group. That’s how I got away with never doing my homework

Reply

davidfong | 14

#7787458 - Saturday 30 March 2019 0:57

Shame on you Melissa not doing your Homework

By manb91uk | 22

#7787441 - Friday 29 March 2019 23:07

I'm guessing this won't become a good Band Camp story...

By manb91uk | 22

#7787442 - Friday 29 March 2019 23:08

I'm guessing this won't become a good Band Camp story...

By davidfong | 14

#7787449 - Friday 29 March 2019 23:33

Break everyone else’s flutes!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7787500 - Saturday 30 March 2019 4:43

Pull an all-nighter practicing your whistling and insist on being examined from behind a screen.

You can do it!!!

By fjvitt | 14

#7787622 - Saturday 30 March 2019 13:16

If you play the professor’s skin flute, I bet you’ll pass...