Today, my dog has very watery diarrhea. I laid down paper towels...

By SuddenlyDogless - 22/2/2017 13:00 - Canada - Beachville

Today, my dog has very watery diarrhea. I laid down paper towels to soak it up, and went to get sanitary wipes for the rest of it. When I came back, my dog had dragged the paper towels up onto the sand coloured loveseat. Sand coloured no longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6980

You deserved it

833

Favorite

Rock, hard place

Noise

True hero

By Anonymous - 5/5/2014 02:58 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47159

You deserved it

4004

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39141

You deserved it

9788

Favorite

By Please go home - 5/4/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2136

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By whatabitch - 16/9/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40513

You deserved it

2564

Favorite

By kewlio45 - 1/7/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

107802

You deserved it

6313

Favorite

By crap - 2/7/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1459

You deserved it

578

Favorite

By Violet - 19/4/2011 09:50 - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32162

You deserved it

3372

Favorite

By brandogg - 30/4/2016 00:11 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17572

You deserved it

1310

Favorite

By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/8/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39056

You deserved it

3148

Favorite

By low_expectations - 19/8/2020 02:04

Zoom call from hell

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1387

You deserved it

Favorite

By animalover - 13/8/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46712

You deserved it

6583

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2011 03:28 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48239

You deserved it

4978

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2009 11:08 - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43466

You deserved it

2860

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1774

You deserved it

4842

Favorite

By hungry - 15/8/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14903

You deserved it

2157

Favorite

By Idiot - 22/2/2017 04:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5788

You deserved it

1296

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75111

You deserved it

23790

Favorite

By brit - 13/10/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27557

You deserved it

2951

Favorite

By MCMB33 - 1/2/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37806

You deserved it

3058

Favorite

By BadBreath - 9/4/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71544

You deserved it

9357

Favorite

By madbabynoel - 25/3/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22084

You deserved it

1580

Favorite

By CassidyQueen - 6/6/2015 02:14 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31085

You deserved it

5521

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28312

You deserved it

35609

Favorite

By Meagan smith - 24/8/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30142

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By trick or not treat - 31/10/2009 22:26 - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37286

You deserved it

7196

Favorite

By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1078

You deserved it

5331

Favorite

By life_suxxx - 17/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33438

You deserved it

4853

Favorite

By Tp - 30/6/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21828

You deserved it

28811

Favorite

By dead man walking? - 4/10/2015 13:21 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25607

You deserved it

2193

Favorite

By Yay..... - 17/8/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28555

You deserved it

14455

Favorite

By mommyfairy - 12/3/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11112

You deserved it

43036

Favorite

By Pandistoteles - 14/4/2015 21:17 - United States

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32310

You deserved it

2685

Favorite

By hamsterlovinn - 6/6/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77932

You deserved it

5408

Favorite

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/8/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45571

You deserved it

4690

Favorite

By aroman2312 - 6/9/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25148

You deserved it

2086

Favorite

By NoValentine - 14/2/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35500

You deserved it

3095

Favorite

By Money Shot - 15/7/2018 06:00

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2234

You deserved it

8815

Favorite

By QuinnyZebrass - 2/4/2013 04:11 - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48640

You deserved it

3400

Favorite

By WearingOff - 3/8/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50600

You deserved it

26977

Favorite

By Paris101 - 22/2/2013 14:51 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38239

You deserved it

3861

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ohkitty | 21

#7414858 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 20:08

the title says suddenly dogless.. you didn't get rid of the dog did you?

By MissEris | 26

#7413919 - Tuesday 21 February 2017 6:38

I think you're an FML past my dear

COMMENTS

By billiejoetho | 0

#7413901 - Tuesday 21 February 2017 4:50

20 month old? So ugly. Your kid is almost 2 not 20 months old.

MissEris | 26

#7413919 - Tuesday 21 February 2017 6:38

I think you're an FML past my dear

ScratchCatPower | 32

#7414871 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 20:32

You just confused the heck out of me

By ohkitty | 21

#7414858 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 20:08

the title says suddenly dogless.. you didn't get rid of the dog did you?

HappyItalian | 38

#7414898 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 21:21

I really hope he didn't or else that would be awful

gichikku | 14

#7414997 - Thursday 23 February 2017 0:18

I hope the name is a joke about having killed it and not actually having killed or gotten rid of it for this.

By LyricaSilvan | 29

#7414860 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 20:09

I understand the feeling, OP. I have four dogs myself.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7414869 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 20:26

And definitely no more lovemaking on it, either (EE-ther.)

never_three | 21

#7415033 - Thursday 23 February 2017 1:37

Nobody cares how you pronounce it, bub

By Sparkieemae | 14

#7414899 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 21:22

The name on this makes me sad. Getting rid of your dog for getting sick once. :/

LyricaSilvan | 29

#7415111 - Thursday 23 February 2017 6:41

You do realize the username is more than likely a joke, right? I highly doubt most people would be that irrational.

By moondoglou420 | 17

#7414946 - Wednesday 22 February 2017 22:40

It would have been common sense to leash the dog outside put them into a tiled room if they're having diarrhea. You're lucky that's all that happened.

By jcash52426 | 5

#7414987 - Thursday 23 February 2017 0:09

Free love seat must be picked up ASAP!!!!!

By cheshireau | 26

#7415076 - Thursday 23 February 2017 4:32

You didn't put him outside when you went to clean?

By Talis99 | 26

#7415079 - Thursday 23 February 2017 5:00

Your dog has diarrhea and you didn't think to put it outside, crate it, or something? The dog's not going to understand or be able to control itself. You kind of deserve that.

By Eldslibo | 20

#7415264 - Thursday 23 February 2017 14:52

And that's why you always put the animal in timeout before you start cleaning