Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Damn those virtual coals, ******* up carpets everywhere.
Rei_Ayanami 18
I hope you have home insurance, and a lot of fire alarms. Add some extinguishers to be safe.
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Comments (47)
perdix 31
Luckily, she's got the pathological lying under control, too.
Enslaved 38
She must be a water sign. :P
joshiepo0 18
The carpet the carpet the carpets on fire!
Enslaved 38
We don't need no water let that mother ****** burn. Burn mother ******, burn!
Coop817 19
Gotta respect the attempt
Sam_Dchi 23
all of a sudden I wanna burn something down...
doodlecloud 27
That sucks...pyromania I could probably deal with but I don't have the patience for stupidity as well.
KiddNYC1O 22
It's tempting to play with fire, especially with alcohol. Cool things occur....
Synapsky 10
Hot things...
KiddNYC1O 22
Affirmative! Lol
GothickNihilist 15
Dawn right! :-D
jlarae12 10
I once put fireworks in my microwave and set them off... But it was in the middle of my driveway AWAY from the house and carpet.
olhuma 5
At least, it won't be hard for her to find a good match...
crimsonlover4 31
That was a brilliant comment lol Sparks will fly
bioss89 16
Do not worry OP, everything will be OK if she learn how to control herself(and the arsonist inside her). I was like that, when I was younger, but eventually found work for a laboratory for testing fuel, fire alarms, fire systems etc. Good luck OP!
GothickNihilist 15
So you get paid to light things on fire? If so you have a awesome job. Some people have all the luck.
olhuma 5
You're that one guy who gets burned up as he rests...