Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Damn those virtual coals, ******* up carpets everywhere.
Rei_Ayanami 18
I hope you have home insurance, and a lot of fire alarms. Add some extinguishers to be safe.
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Comments (47)
SweetasCandy0609 28
so on top of relapsing and lying she's not that bright as well.
onorexveritas 24
oh wow
Michael_92 20
and that's the moment you know you failed as a parent.
GothickNihilist 15
Did Her brother, also light her Barbie dream house on fire whilst singing "Burn Baby Burn "?
wvcheesehead1 9
Thank goodness she is an idiot... she may have been able to come up with a sensible lie and hide her condition.
NickaPLZ 26
But don't try hypnosis, she might subconsciously burn the whole shrink's office down.
Satoaoi 13
sleep with a fire extinguisher
Myo_fml 20
As a hypnotist, you've warranted a head shake and a glare.
dionhart 4
Smart kid...
whyusofat 17
She probably got in a pretty heated argument.