Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I sang the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song with a class of thirty 20-somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML
Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
adameeo 21
Even better than the original!
jojimugo 20
Those godamm BItchy spiders
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (113)
superBeannn 2
Why didn't she get "spider" wrong as well? Hahaha lisps on selected words only? :p
BlackBlazeCobra 16
10 years from now bring it up and she'll be the one saying FML
Sputnikspak 13
My friend's cousin couldn't pronounce 'th' when he first started to talk, it always came out as an 'f' sound. So she got some weird stares when riding the bus with him one day and he points out the window and yells "LOOK MOMMY! IT'S A FIRE ****!" >.>
Epikouros 32
What's a fire thuck?
danube_fml 7
So the teacher can't say itsy bitsy, but can say spider fine?
RedPillSucks 33
Yes. Lisps/speech impediments don't necessarily happen on every word spoken.
mzmilly 13
aww that's quite cute lol
Xx3angelz3xX 11
sounds like Australia...all they have is itchy, bitchy spiders =P
drunkandfml 11
Well, the new lyrics are true.
albsure23 3
How could u even be mad?? That's hysterical!! BTW, I hate spiders. They're the devils creation!
HelenLFC 27
Shouldn't it be inthy winthy ??
vbmg152 19
It's a lisp, S's are a problem!
Rumbelle_fml 22
While the UK (and probably a few other places) might use the lyric "incy wincy spider", the US (which is where OP is from) more commonly sing "itsy bitsy". So no, it shouldn't be "inthy winthy".
DanielleinDC 34
I'm sorry, OP, but this has me laughing hysterically. I'm sure someday you will laugh about it as well.