Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
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70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my dad's cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time in my entire adult life that he has visited me at my home. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML
Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML
Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML
Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML
Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML
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Top comments
shamille 5
Your place must be on the way to someone he loves :'(
FlexT 1
Her dad DID give a shit.
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Comments (82)
xoCOURTNIEox 0
what a great dad :) kind of sounds like mine
bigbadtim 7
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
squeaker07 15
Well at least now you have a piece of him left in your house :) lol
Blueglasscup 18
He came all the way just to take a crap? Damn whatever toilet he went to must be swanky as hell!
TKrisha_fml 5
Do the same to him. Go to his house take a dump then leave.
hottiebrunette 0
that stinks. pun intended
HannahLouise96 13
SURPRISE!
SnookieBaybie 0
go to his house and shit on his floor and leave a note saying "it was great smellin ur shit dad"
ThatLooksSticky 16
did he flush? if the answer is yes, then he must really love you. congrats. :)
perdix 31
It's hard being a parent -- you can do your best and end up with a shit kid or two among a bunch of good ones. I've never heard of anyone going to such an extent to point out which is the "shit kid" so literally.
lawls79 14
perdix it's funny that you go to such lengths to make someone feel bad...your life must suck balls.