Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber....

By Anonymous - 9/3/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37664

You deserved it

7830

Favorite

Geek

Work name

Freak out

You snooze, you lose

By jasmine - 10/6/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2043

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By Oops - 7/1/2017 20:48 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7733

You deserved it

1226

Favorite

By amanda - 23/7/2013 05:17 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74736

You deserved it

4552

Favorite

By wellcrap - 3/10/2013 05:41 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26972

You deserved it

52327

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2019 20:00

Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol FML

I agree, your life sucks

1713

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By ouch - 8/3/2011 15:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9624

You deserved it

99342

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/12/2013 21:15 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46398

You deserved it

4216

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10881

You deserved it

50719

Favorite

By gimmeasalad - 21/4/2012 06:01 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10104

You deserved it

36745

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36107

You deserved it

4546

Favorite

By titillating - 12/3/2012 04:28 - United States

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29782

You deserved it

4511

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 02:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32978

You deserved it

3295

Favorite

By jend - 23/5/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42337

You deserved it

3702

Favorite

By UnwantedDaughter - 8/1/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

I agree, your life sucks

2547

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By Username - 17/5/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my facebook status as "lost all contacts, need numbers". My mom commented saying "her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends". Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49939

You deserved it

8657

Favorite

By Maruska28 - 7/9/2017 20:00

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4831

You deserved it

392

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43748

You deserved it

8863

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:35 - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33386

You deserved it

2790

Favorite

By sonofanut - 22/2/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33050

You deserved it

2400

Favorite

By Xia - 18/10/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31683

You deserved it

16091

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2010 21:41 - United States

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6090

You deserved it

82276

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 20:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6724

You deserved it

1680

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/1/2016 09:21 - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25515

You deserved it

1605

Favorite

By walnutbladder - 7/1/2011 21:46 - United States

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31709

You deserved it

4055

Favorite

By surprise - 11/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34037

You deserved it

3266

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 15:55 - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31882

You deserved it

2472

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/2/2013 18:00 - United States - Fairview

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29053

You deserved it

5307

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/8/2016 03:07 - United States - Dover

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12573

You deserved it

981

Favorite

By MDpending - 1/11/2019 13:00 - United States

Physician, heal thyself

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2290

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/8/2017 07:00 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4549

You deserved it

355

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 11:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29239

You deserved it

3387

Favorite

By risingtide - 20/11/2018 15:30

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking wrong metro twice, only to find that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2278

You deserved it

1118

Favorite

By la poisse - 19/11/2008 05:59 - France

Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34899

You deserved it

3485

Favorite

By StevieMe - 8/4/2009 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18650

You deserved it

98651

Favorite

By - 16/1/2020 18:00

I am clumsy!

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2136

You deserved it

2760

Favorite

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30309

You deserved it

18279

Favorite

By sleepy125 - 23/1/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22137

You deserved it

2014

Favorite

By leez - 1/2/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33953

You deserved it

1820

Favorite

By like - 14/3/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25603

You deserved it

199797

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/5/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44010

You deserved it

25471

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Hummbinger | 5

#2164408 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:32

I wish my dad did that.

He's pretty awesome imo.

By mightymaurer | 0

#2164422 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:33

luke he is Ur father

COMMENTS

By Hummbinger | 5

#2164408 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:32

I wish my dad did that.

He's pretty awesome imo.

zolziski | 11

#2164412 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:32

Agreed!

I_R_Genius | 3

#2164558 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:13

The force is strong in this one, train you must young padawan.

sammy92 | 0

#2164667 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:53

1) agree. 2) love ur pic!^ lol

GreatGeak | 8

#2164755 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:31

Sammy!
:)

mimmy3636 | 0

#2164968 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:40

that's wat I was thinking!:p

MLuckyCapoeirist | 6

#2165027 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:05

Hmm really? I sense something else.
Is it really a laser saber OP? Or something else, with added sound effects ;)

By misstamz | 0

#2164420 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:33

So?

By mightymaurer | 0

#2164422 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:33

luke he is Ur father

impatientsnake | 4

#2164783 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:50

dude he should make a film

By scottovious | 0

#2164434 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:36

Who cares. Just 'cause he is having fun you need to whine like a little Bitch? F his life for having a little bitch for a kid!

By 1234USMC | 0

#2164441 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:37

dude your dads fucking dope!! haha

IsayWOW | 0

#2164720 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:13

I dot know why but #14 made me laugh:)

Teah9 | 6

#2165170 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:21

what the fuck is your picture?!!

By krez | 20

#2164446 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:39

That's how you are supposed to play with it.

Mama_Umbridge | 8

#2164829 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:46

If he took it out of the packaging then it's no longer in mint condition. The collectible lost it's worth!

By track69 | 3

#2164450 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:39

you should be happy you have such an epic dad!!

Acousticpixie14 | 6

#2165242 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:53

Agreed!

My dad would totally do that, and I'm grateful for his awesomeness [:

By ohrlynow | 9

#2164455 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:42

Aw, let your dad have his fun!

By SpicyGrass | 0

#2164463 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:45

Thats awkward. I would get scared if I saw that... therapy?

By mrnorth | 0

#2164480 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:52

your dad is fking awsome wanna trade?

SpaceMannn | 0

#2164505 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:57

Dads' aren't pokemon cards, you can't just trade them. You have to battle them first.

jrtepechis | 6

#2164767 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:37

win

YayaInLalaLand | 0

#2164825 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:43

16 is a win(: