Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML
Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML
Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
"Wake up, lazy alpha. I've brought you an offering."
redbluegreen 41
Well, where else is he gonna get you a gift? The mall?
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Comments (149)
megamango 0
I dont see how your life is effed?
Paulspacefdot 0
"Mighy Human, who feeds me and leads the Pride.... I have brought you a feast of rodent flesh to break your fast this morning... Hail the Alpha Feline! Long may she operate the Can opener and clean the litter box! The Tastiest bits of the kill are yours, M'lady!" Can't blame a cat for being a cat... but getting a mouses decapitated head stuck between your toes on the way to the bathroom at 2am kinda sucks...
road_rash18 0
my cat used to do that cept he left it on the porch
marlux 0
it wanted to share and you rejected it must be hurt
sunney3 0
any cat that head butts ppl awake is the best cat ever. stop being a bitch to your very nice and considerate cat.
Kay_Ell_Dee 0
Ugh! That 's gross. He brought you your breakfast, I guess . lol
tinkchic4life 0
ugggghhhhhh ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Marzydotes 0
awww how sweet! breakfast in bed..you should feel so loved!...lol
ikhbal 0
you sound like you live in montreal....
loltoyoutoo 0
Hey, at least he saved you the trouble of having to catch it yourself ;]