Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML
Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML
Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML
Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I'm suicidal. They're stretch marks. He won't believe me. FML
Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML
Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML
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Top comments
emeraldisle 30
Guys can get stretch marks too you know.
PoodleJuice 7
Did they make you look like a tiger?
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Comments (50)
olpally 33
Why did you have to show it to everyone??? You could have just said they were stretch marks and walked away knowing you were right and they were wrong... Your brother is an idiot for thinking stretch marks look like a tattoo or you have some crazy looking skin to begin with, either way, fyl. :/
ElectriKiss 3
there's ink-less tattoos that just leave scarring on your body than ink inside it.
crazytiger345 0
I've always wanted to be a toaster, if you people like this I would be coming closer and closer. Thanks everybody I'll make the best toast ever.
unknown_user5566 27
Um... what?
Purplefluff 6
I LIKED!!!!! I hope your dreams come through :-) I wish to be a microwave
Greggums 2
Aww honey what a nightmare! If they're still pink there's a chance you can get rid of them.. Rub cocoa butter into them twice a day and they should fade. Worked for me anyway :)
AussieChild 22
Stretch marks can be another colour besides pink? You've got me curious :)
lostfaithinpppl 19
I agree about cocoa butter, #47. I used it all through and for some time after my pregnancy and have no stretch marks at all. Not sure if cocoa butter only works as a preventative measure or actually gets rid of the stretch marks that are already there, but I read in more than one sources to use it for stretch marks. Try it, OP. There's no harm in trying.
TheMathMajor 26
48, stretch marks are like scars, they turn white or close to your skin color, but are just a different texture than your normal skin and sometimes lighter. if they are pink, than they formed recently, so you have a chance to make them heal so it won't leave a scar.
xMidna 6
Mine are normally my skin tone. I put on weight in my early teens, but when my weight fluctuates they turn pink again. I mentioned this in an above comment- someone saw them when my shirt rode up and asked if I'd been in a car accident.
Blooblibloo 4
Karite butter is supposed to be great too !
AussieChild 22
Thanks 54, I had no idea! :)
PrincessPesa 20
Karite butter is Shea butter, for those wondering! :) An excellent skin healer and emollient as well!
ElishaisSexy2016 9
That's pretty crappy if u ask me. I'm sorry OP! I know how u feel.... I'm in the same boat.
drkate25 30
Just get a tattoo to cover it, OP. Tree branches or animal scratches or something
xInwex 12
I have stretch marks on my chest and people have inquired about them too, so I feel your pain. Hopefully karma will strike back!
ashleynjx 6
you earned your stripes do I don't feel baddd but hey the have cream for that
emmjayyjung 0
I would have told them it was a tattoo
CaptTeemo 10
Bitch, he's fabulous!
berryblizzard 11
I have stretch marks from when I was 8, from growing to rapidly, don't worry about it :)